'member that time?

‘member that time when my friend Jody and I played hooky from a conference we were attending and decided to go ride a gondola (that’s the flat-bottomed boat gonDOLA not the snow-capped mountain tram GONdola)?  And member how when we were walking there, some sketchy guy was about to pass us on the sidewalk so Jody nonchalantly switched her purse to the shoulder opposite him?  Then, member how he yelled at her after we passed him and he said, “I would never steal anything from you, sister!  I would put something in your purse!” or somethin’ like that?  Whatever that means.  And how he kept saying it over and over and over? And how we decided to take a different way home after our gondola ride?

And member, how when we got to the ride place, there was some drunk guy staggering around in the ice cream shop beside the so-called river that the gondolas were in?  And how he bought two more beers to take along with him on the ride?  And member when that ride returned, the gondola drivers who were wearing their little striped scarves, scurried out to quickly clean something off the floor of the boat?  Yeah, that was weird and I think it was throw up.

And remember when we finally got to go on a ride with that older couple who took FOREVER to eat their pre-voyage snack, that we thought it was going to be so cool and fun because the gondolier sang to us in Italian?  But then, member how it was really just a fake canal and we pretty much just looked at houses and concrete and people walking on the sidewalk and it only took like 20 minutes and how we paid big bucks for that?  Yeah, me too.

At least the gelato was tasty. 

Next time, let’s play hooky in Venice.

‘member that time?

Member that time when I was in like 6th grade and Mom left me in charge of supper because it was just going to be Dad and me?  and member how I decided to fix mac and cheese from a box and how I added 1 1/4 cup of milk instead of just 1/4 of a cup?  And member how we kind of just ate watery cheese soup with noodles because it didn’t turn out quite right?  and how Dad acted like nothing was wrong with it and said, “It tastes just fine to me”. 

Yeah, well, I learned three things from that experience:

1.  It turns out that 1 extra cup of milk makes a huge difference in the outcome of the meal.

2.  Dads will say obviously untrue things to protect their little girl’s egos.

3.  Practice makes perfect because I am a way better cook now.

‘member that time?

This ‘member that time is for my foster brother, Bruce, whose birthday is tomorrow.  Happy Birthday Bruce! 

‘member that time when Bruce got me a brown fuzzy rabbit for my birthday and member how I named it Tarzan?  And member how one lazy summer day I went out to feed my beloved pet and his head had been ripped off by a dog or some other ferocious beast?  member that?  That was an unpleasant experience for an 8 year old.  Not to mention gross. No more swinging in the jungle for that Tarzan. Not that rabbits do a lot of swinging on vines…but you know what I mean. 

Pretty sad stuff, huh?  But I have recovered by now and developed into a normal human being even after that horrific experience.

And I even have more pets and all of them still have their heads.

‘member that time?

‘member that time in Mrs. Justice’s 7th grade homeroom when I challenged all the boys to an arm wrestling competition?  And member how over the course of a week of homerooms, I beat every single one of them?

And member how proud I was of myself? 

What I dork I was.  I guess I wasn’t really into femininity at that point.  I guess I wasn’t very into boys either since they all stayed away from me after that.

Or maybe it was the whole cooties thing.  I guess I’ll never know.

Maybe Paige wants to arm wrestle me too.  We all know she’d likely win.  Check out her ‘member that time at  http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/

‘member that time?

‘member all those times when we lived in Clinton and we only had one bathroom?  And member how Tanya and I would always race there at the same time and if I sat down to go first, she would say, “You better go really fast or else I’ll sit on top of you and pee!” (well, she did sit on me more than once, but I squeezed out before you-know-what). And member how I learned to speed pee because of her disgusting threat? 

She never did pee on me, or on Teri, as far as I know, and I learned that this speed skill was really useful during 3 minute pastimes in middle school.  Or during short commercial breaks when a really fascinating “Little House on the Prairie” was on.

So, just remember when you are persecuted, you might learn a really valuable skill that will aid you in your future life as a normal person. 

Just thought you’d like to know.

Let’s see what Paige thinks.  It’s member that time Monday at http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/

‘member that time?

I know it’s a Tuesday, and ‘member that times are supposed to post on Mondays, but since yesterday was a holiday, we are going to pretend it’s Monday today, OK?

‘Member that time when I had a little boy and he was perfect in every way and he made all my dreams come true?  And member how he dressed like an army man and rode his bike and explored in the forest with Greg?  And member how much he liked playing in the cornfield behind the house after the farmer had harvested and there were still some stalks left behind?  And how Brent used to read Little House on the Prairie to him at bedtime until they both fell asleep on the bottom bunk?  member that? 

Yeah, me too.  And I enjoyed every single minute of it.  What a gift from God!

Happy 20th Luke!

You have made known to me the path of life;
   you will fill me with joy in your presence,
   with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 16:11

 

‘member that time?

‘member when I was little and we didn’t have any cup-holders in the car?  And member how I would always beg Mom for a chocolate shake when we would stop at the hamburger place?  And how she let me get one EVERY SINGLE TIME…and how I kept it between my feet on the floor and spilled it  EVERY SINGLE TIME…and how she got mad EVERY SINGLE TIME?

Well, Mom, I can think of some solutions for this problem:

1.  Don’t let your kid get the shake.

2.  If she does get the shake, drink it OUTSIDE of the car

3.  If she does get the shake and she gets in the car, make her hold it in her lap.  Ignore any whining about being cold.

4.  Put a TOP on the cup. What a great idea!

5.  Do what I did with my kids when they ate anything messy: put her in the bathtub naked when you arrive at home…then, give her the shake and spray her off when she is done.

6.  Or, just get her water.  Water is not sticky and does not stain.  She will not like this solution until you tell her it is the only way to keep you from yelling.

So, there you have it; a ‘member that time and an advice column all in one.  And, by the way, Mom, I have at least 8 cup-holders in my car now and my kids still manage to spill their shakes on the floor.

I think it’s genetic.

It’s ‘member that time Monday! (Carefully hold your drink in one hand and check out Paige’s blog with the with the other.) http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/

‘member that time?

‘Member that time when Luke was carefully studying the back of the whey protein powder and he said, “ I don’t think I am a strength athlete anymore.  I’m more like a health-conscious active adult.”

And member how Tess and I laughed out loud?  And member how Luke just kept drinking his shake and thought we were weird?  When really he was the weird one?

That was so funny.  I’m laughing right now just thinking about it.

And for all you other health-conscious adults out there, it’s ‘member that time Monday  at http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ !

‘member that time?

Member that time in first grade in Mrs. Schaller’s class when we got to wear a different color of clothes to school every day?  and member how I only had one brown dress and I wore it on “brown” day?  Then member at recess when that really fat kid wanted to teeter totter with me and he was too heavy and my side of the teeter totter went flying up so fast that I fell off the end and I was hanging by my brown dress? 

Well, not only was that super embarrassing, but my only brown dress ripped right down the center and the nurse tried to fix it with safety pins.  Since everybody could still see my underwear through the safety pinned opening, the nurse-turned-seamstress eventually took me to my house and I changed into a boring blue dress—with shorts underneath—just in case.

And when I got back to school, everybody else was still wearing brown.

The humiliation was nearly unbearable.

 

It’s ‘member that time Monday and you can wear any color you want!  Check it out at http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/

‘member that time?

I’m back!  Vacation was great and I will soon share stories of our adventures, but since it is Monday today, I thought I ought to start things off right with a ‘member that time’.  Here goes…

Member that time when we were hiking on an island in Lake Superior and we were just completing our second day? And member how I fell off some rocks and sprained my ankle and then I had to hike another mile and a half to get to our campsite?  Member that? 

Well, I do.  It was no fun and it hurt a lot and after 25 more miles of hiking, my cankle got big and blue and puffy—not very attractive for sandal season.

But hey, at least I didn’t have to cut it off with my pocketknife.  That would have been supremely painful.  And gross.

It’s ‘member that time Monday on Paige’s blog.  Maybe she has less painful memories to share. Check it out: http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/

 

‘member that time?

This week’s member that time is not for the faint of heart.  If you are at all grossed out by stories about p _ _ p, stop reading now. and don’t go shopping for jeans.

‘member that time we were shopping in that Osh Kosh outlet store and I went into the dressing room and I was like “what’s that?” and I figured out that someone had pooped in a handkerchief in the corner and left in there? Member that?

And member how I went and told Mom about it and member how we didn’t buy any jeans that day?

Yuk and yuk.

Now scoot on over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ because Paige actually lives close to an outlet mall and she might know about these things.

‘member that time?

‘member that time I had to serve on the jury for a domestic assault case?  And even though I didn’t really want to be there, I decided that it might be interesting to listen to the witnesses and hear the lawyers? 

And member how incredibly ridiculous it was since it was about some guy biting his girlfriend’s head…and his girlfriend biting him back because he told her she could—with exhibit A and exhibit B showing both people’s heads with bite marks?

Member how the judge told us that we had to decide (beyond all reasonable doubt) if the guy had intended to harm his girlfriend when he bit her?  And how we all laughed hilariously when the judge closed the door to our little room? 

Yeah, well that was really weird. I felt like we were refereeing on the playground in elementary school not deciding the fate of the vampire man.

Moral of the story:  If you plan to bite your girlfriend’s head, do it in fun, not anger, and make sure you don’t make a mark.

Now scoot on over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ for more ‘member that time Monday’ shenanigans!

‘member that time?

This ‘member that time is dedicated to my sister on her birthday!   Teri, as a thank you for helping me resurrect this repressed memory, a case of Blueberry Delight should be arriving at your doorstep any day.

‘member that time in Clinton when Dad decided that we were eating too many snacks after school?  And member how he made Mom buy a bunch of jars of baby food for us to snack on instead?  And member how we all wanted to eat the Peach Cobbler first because it was super good and everything else was sickening?  Yeah, well, the cupboard was high and I was short, and my sisters were fast and tall, so mostly I got stuck with the jarred Rice Pudding. Member that?  Yeah, me too. 

Yuck.

What was the deal with that anyway? 

 

‘member that time?

Every good American family should go to the Black Hills in South Dakota at least once in their lives.  As a kid, my family decided to visit that area just a little while after the famous “Battle at Wounded Knee” incident.  Fun times!

‘member that time we were on vacation in South Dakota and we chose to go there during the time when all the Indians were revolting? And member how we stayed in Pierre overnight and Dad put a chair in front of the door and he put his knife between the door and the jamb so no one could get in and kill us? Member that?

I didn’t sleep very well that night.

And Wall Drug wasn’t all that fun either.

Except for the candy.  the candy was great there. and expensive.

It’s ‘member that time Monday again!  Get over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ and share how you kept your family alive on vacation!

‘member that time?

Well, it’s been nearly a week since I posted and I know that ‘member that time?  belongs on Monday, but since I have had no internet access for the last 4 days, it’s goin’ on a Tuesday this time. 

‘Member that time when I had prepared for two days (shopping, making food, securing pet arrangements, packing the car) to go to the lake to spend time with the Haverkamps? And then member how Brent told my parents that the reason we like going to the lake is because it’s EASY?  “You just throw a couple things in a duffle bag and you’re off!” he said.  Member that?

Yeah, well, I told him that if he wanted to have a sweet wife he shouldn’t say that anymore.

‘member that time?

Enjoy this little memory from our 2010 family trip to America’s last (or in our case, lost) frontier…

‘member that time when we were in Alaska and we got lost trying to backpack to Denali?  And 'member how we had no idea where we were but since we were so exhausted from bushwhacking our way into the wilderness, we just decided to camp out in the middle of nowhere?  ‘member that? 

And member how I couldn’t sleep the whole night because I was sure one of us was going to have a life- threatening emergency and we had no idea where we were and no idea of how to get back to civilization? 

Yeah.  Well, no one died that night, but I was super tired the next day when we walked through the swamp.

We never did find Denali. But at least no bears ate us. 

And we finally found our car.

It’s ‘member that time Monday again!  Get over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ and share your own sleepless memories!

‘member that time?

Family vacations are just around the corner.  You might want to pack some Beano in with your on-the-road picnic.  Just FYI.

‘member all the times when we were in the car and Dad was like, “If you have any more poopy sounds, I’m going to light a match to your rear end?” And member how it was really hard to hold it, but we were afraid of having a burned butt? Member that?

I wonder how big the explosion would have been if we had accidently let one fly.  Probably it would have blown up the car and that would have put a real damper on the annual vacation.

 

It’s ‘member that time Monday again!  Get over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ and  share your own road-trip memories!

‘member that time?

Now that you have almost forgotten about our long Iowa winters, here’s a little reminder…

‘member that time when we were traveling in a snowstorm one Christmas and how it got so bad that we had to stop in Blue Earth, Minnesota and stay at a 200 year old motel? And member how Mom laid out blankets on the floor for us to sleep on even though the floor was covered with cockroaches and other bugs? And remember how Mom and Dad got to sleep on the bed with no crawling bugs?

I always thought that was unfair.

It’s ‘member that time Monday again!  Get over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ and  share your own unfair memories!

‘member that time?

Being the youngest of three girls had some great advantages… EXCEPT when Mom bought us all matching outfits.  Can you say “matching hand-me-downs?” 

‘member that time when Mom bought us all those really itchy blue sweater outfits with a frog on the front of them? And member how uncomfortable they were? And member how I wore them for six years straight and how Mom made me wear them for school pictures one year and I look kind of constipated or something? I really wasn’t constipated, I was just sick of wearing the same outfit for so long. Member that?

I will never make my own children wear never-ending sweater pants.

 

It’s ‘member that time Monday again!  Get over to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ and  share your own uncomfortable memories!

‘member that time?

‘member that one Easter when we ran out to get our Easter baskets and we were all happy and stuff? And member how when we got there we saw that Teri had this huge, solid chocolate rabbit in her basket and how we had puny, hollow chocolate rabbits in ours? And member how her rabbit was named “Hutchy” and how our rabbits had no names? 

I guess Mom and Dad loved Teri more than us that year.

It’s ‘member that time Monday again!  Check out http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com/ for more memories!