List #5: Things my Daddy Taught Me

Today is my Dad's 75th Birthday, so I decided to give him a shout out by reminding him of why he is important to me. 

1.  Practice makes Perfect.

If you want to be good at something, you need to practice.  Whether it be shooting baskets, running fast, remembering people’s names, or memorizing scripture, you can be skilled at these things if you choose.  All it takes is a choice to practice them diligently.  My dad always keeps a little note card in his pocket to help him remember what he is “practicing”: people’s names, quotes he wants to remember, Bible verses, or new jokes he wants to share.  I love this quirky method of bettering himself.

2.  Always be Prepared.

When I left for college as a wide-eyed freshman, my dad presented me with a map (route to Ames highlighted with a marker) and an emergency car kit (extra clothes, candles, crackers, aspirin, coins for a pay phone, candy, an ice scraper, a reflective blanket) that would enable me to survive for days if I got lost and/or had an accident in this barren wilderness called Iowa.  This was in the days before cell phones and my dad wanted to make sure I was ready if an emergency presented itself.  Once, when I was in high school, because I hadn’t yet learned the value of forethought, I ran out of gas while driving home from school.  I walked somewhere to call my Dad and he promptly showed up, handed me a gas can and drove off.  Needless to say, I thought more carefully about preparation that day as I trudged to the nearest gas station alone.

3.  Stay Warm

I know cold.  I grew up in Minnesota with winters that felt like they lasted forever.  And though my sisters and I had to walk to school on these arctic winter mornings, we were fully covered in snowmobile suits, snowmobile boots, scarves, goggles, and mittens that tightened around our forearms.  My dad also made sure we kept ourselves toasty by investing in long underwear for all.  In the 70’s, all thermal undergarments produced were for boys, but this didn’t stop my dad; his three girls wore long johns.  I often got heckled for the long underwear band (that looked exactly like the band on men’s whitey tighty’s) sticking out of my pants since I had tucked my shirt into my thermals to stay warm.  Recently, my dad made himself a vest out of reflective insulation to wear under his winter coat to help him stay comfy and cozy.  He figured if it was good enough for water heaters, it was good enough for him.

4.  Be Resourceful

When I was growing up, my pharmacist father owned and operated a drug store.  Drug stores draw an inordinate amount of old folks through their doors.  Many of these elderly folks needed hearing aids that required batteries, and my dad would offer to change these.  For some unknown reason, he kept the used ones (they look like tiny thick buttons).  One Christmas, he wanted to make his little girls a present, and he fashioned a type of table-top shuffleboard game using the old batteries as the miniature pucks.  Now he uses his ingenuity to create armoires and cabinets from abandoned cupboards and lumber he finds in old houses or buildings.  These resourceful and reinvented creations are a thing of beauty. I think this resourcefulness/creativity is my favorite thing about my dad…and myself :)

5.  Be Yourself

My dad never really cared what people—even his daughters—thought of him.  Now, I see this as an admirable thing; as a kid, I was just embarrassed that he wore black socks with sandals and an old blazer while watching TV.  He even carried this quality into his profession as a pharmacist.  One might think that someone who owned a drug store probably just dispensed and sold medicine (and hearing aid batteries) to sick folks, but no, my dad sold wood stoves too.  Yes, wood stoves in Arrow Drug.  You see, my dad was sort of a wannabe survivalist type who enjoyed heating his home with off-the-grid power.  His heat of choice came from the wood stove in our basement.  Because he believed that wood stoves could be just as prescriptive for people as could medicine, he became a distributer of Ashley Wood Burning Stoves—sold in the comfort of his very own pharmacy. Nowadays, my dad doesn’t sell wood stoves anymore, but because he is fully himself, he has no trouble wearing his reflective vest or heartily eating his specially designed lunch of instant mashed potatoes mixed with green beans.  Yum!

6.  Take Care of Pets

Since my birth I have been a pet lover.  And secretly, I think my Dad is too.  One of my earliest memories is bringing home one of our first pets, a cat that we named Tasha (my mom actually ran over this cat, but we got another soon after which we also named Tasha).  But because I was never allowed to house my cats indoors, my dad made elaborate structures to help them survive the arctic-like winters of my childhood (see #3 above).  They had little log-cabin-looking houses with carpet-lined interiors, and raised platforms with heat lamps to warm them; my dog (who was actually my dad’s pet) had a pretty fancy house too, built into our garage with a little ramp and a swinging door.  Even now, my dad loves me by taking care of my pets.  My current three cats and a dog all have their own fully equipped animal “penthouses” in our detached garage that they rarely leave because they are so cozy and coddled.

7.  Be Willing to Learn

My parents amaze me in their still-unquenchable thirst for knowledge.  After my dad retired, you could find him reading, and reading, and reading; so much reading, so much learning.  This truly inspires me to keep on educating myself.  And rather than run from technology, my dad has embraced it, learning about woodworking, science, theology, history, and sometimes cake-baking from websites, blogs, YouTube, and yes, even Pinterest. 

8.  Respect Property

As a kid, I was taught to respect property.  My dad said if we took care of things, they would last longer…and they did.  When I got a new softball glove, my dad showed me how to write my name on it with a permanent marker (we wrote our names on EVERYTHING in case we lost them), get a soft cloth and coat the glove with mink oil to protect it.  Then when the oil sunk in, we put a baseball in the palm of the glove and put rubber bands around the “hand” of the glove—as if the glove were grasping the ball—to form it into the right shape for catching.  When we weren’t playing catch, but instead just hanging out indoors, we had to wear slippers or little “socklet” things over our real socks so we wouldn’t wear them out, because you know how many millions of miles you walk when you are in your own home laying on the couch watching Brady Bunch. 

9.  Be Tough

Though I am sure my dad would have liked to have a son, God saw fit that he got only daughters.  And my dad seemed completely content with his three little girls.  However, this did not mean that his daughters would be weaklings…in fact, just the opposite, he taught us to be tough.  When I would fall down as a kid, or my sisters would tickle me until I cried, my dad would remind me that I was “tough as nails”.  When we moved to another home (which we did often), his girls were expected to help move washers, dryers, pianos, wood stoves, safes—whatever was on the truck was fair game.  When I was in a sport and wanted to quit because I was uncoordinated and awkward, he reminded me that I was “tough as nails” and that I would stay out for the season.  Even now, when I have to scramble up sheer cliffs in Texas on vacation with my family or when I get stuck in elevators in Italy, I remember that I am “tough as nails” and I make it out alive…so far at least.

10.  Choose to Leave a Legacy

Though always a church-goer, my dad became a true Christ-follower somewhere in his forties (right, Dad?), and has since been on a mission to tell everyone he meets about his faith, his church, his changed life, his God—just ask the checker in HyVee…or the woman handing out samples at Sam’s Club…or the young gal at 24 Hour Fitness…or the Executive Council that he coffees with several times each week.  My dad knows what he is here for and where he is going.  The purpose for his life has become very clear to himself and to us, his family.  Whenever we gather for holidays or reunions, it is my dad who says thank you (now, often with tears in his eyes) for his family, his many blessings, and for Jesus. Even now, at 75, he is a new creation.

I love you Dad, and I love what you have become—a mighty, but gentle, man of God.

Happy Birthday!

Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

Proverbs 14:26

List #4: Christmas Sanity Savers for Young Moms

I originally wrote this list when I had four little children underfoot--maybe 15 or more years ago--and shared it with all my young mom friends.  I posted it first in my blog in 2011 but decided to revive it  (and update it) once again to help y'all who are young mamas now.  Remember to delight in your kiddos. They are only little for a short season of time.

25 SANITY SAVERS

Instead of sitting the kids in front of the TV to watch The Polar Express (again) while you finish up those holiday projects, check this list…and put your little “helpers” to work!

Have the kids…

1. Make Christmas cards for friends and family.

2. Make a paper chain out of construction paper to hang on the Christmas tree.

3. Make a garland of ribbon and pretzels to hang on the Christmas tree.

4. Play a board game with their siblings.

5. Play in the snow…or in our case, the grass!

6. Make Christmas cookies with play-dough.

7. Dance to Christmas music.

8. Do homework… “How many balls are on the tree?” How many cans are in the pantry?”

9. Have a tea party with water and animal crackers.

10. Pretend they’re a grown-up and plan their family’s Christmas or vacation.

11. Look at the Christmas catalog/store flyer and circle all the toys they like.

12. Make up actions to Christmas songs.

13. Color Christmas pictures and deliver them to elderly neighbors or to a nursing home.

14. Play in the bathtub in swimsuits.

15. Make stuff from boxes—a bus, a sleigh, a castle, a washer, a doll bed.

16. Make a fort under the card table.

17. Look at old photo albums or at photos on the computer.

18. Pretend it’s Easter and hide plastic eggs. Remember your basket!

19. Put on a Christmas puppet show.

20. Play Post Office with an old box, paper, stickers, and some envelopes.

21. Wash and dry dishes for your Mom.

22. Make up and perform a skit. Record it with a camcorder or phone if Mom says yes.

23. Watch and do an exercise video.

24. Play fix-it shop with an old clock or radio (ask Mom first).

25. String beads or macaroni to make a necklace for Mom for Christmas!

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
   and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
   and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8-9

Working for His Glory

Lest you think that I am promoting antinomianism (lawlessness; living in such a way as to imply that the Law is bad and/or useless) because of my last post, and lest I fall off the wagon of discipline because I am immersed in the luxury of God’s grace, I write today’s post to help myself understand the reason I still must strive for growth in my Christian walk.  Here goes…

So, if I am covered in Christ’s Robe of Righteousness, and if God sees me as perfect and forgiven and clean, and if I can do nothing to earn or reject His love, then why should I do anything at all?  If I suffer no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) and my un-payable debt has been canceled by Jesus’ death on the cross (Colossians 2:14), should I still be required to work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12)? 

The unequivocal answer is “YES!”  Here’s why:

Let’s go back to Romans 5:20-21 where Paul says, “But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” and 6:1-2, “What shall we say then?  Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?  By no means!  We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?”  So, it’s obvious in scripture that:

1) God’s grace is sufficient for all of our sin;

2) In our old life without Christ, sin reigned, but in our newfound life in Christ, (because of grace) righteousness is to reign;

3) Righteousness through Jesus brings eternal life;

4) When we accept Jesus as our Savior, we are to “die to sin”;

3) We shouldn’t abuse grace by choosing to live in sin (live for ourselves alone) when we have been freed from it.

That brings us back to our main point:  We have been made righteous through Christ and we are to live in a different way because of this.  How does this look? I think it spurs us to action.  I think it looks like this:

In the Westminster Catechism, the question of man’s purpose is addressed in question 1:

Question 1. What is the chief end of man?
Answer: Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.

If our purpose in life is to glorify God, how are we to do that?  With good works!  The Westminster also explains this reality:

Question 16.2  Are good works necessary in the life of a Christian?

Answer:  These good works, done in obedience to God’s commandments, are the fruits and evidences of a true and lively faith; and by them believers manifest their thankfulness, strengthen their assurance, edify their brethren, adorn the profession of the Gospel, stop the mouths of the adversaries, and glorify God, whose workmanship they are, created in Christ Jesus thereunto, that, having their fruit unto holiness, they may have the end, eternal life.

So this means that the work of God’s free grace enables me, and you, to show the expression of my love and obedience to God THROUGH MY GOOD WORKS!  Now these good works SHOULD NOT be confused with justification.  Justification is the work of God’s free grace, and we can do nothing to earn or deserve it.  It is this work of God’s free grace that enables us to express our devotion and our love THROUGH good works.  Good works do not give us salvation, God’s free grace does.

When we bear fruit then (when we practice spiritual disciplines and put them into practice), we glorify God!  Tullian Tchividjian says, in his book, One Way Love that “We read the Bible and pray and go to church and partake of the sacraments, because it is in those places that God reminds us that things between Him and us are forever fixed.  They are the rendezvous points where God declares to us concretely that the debt has been paid, the ledger put away, and everything we need, in Christ we already possess.”

The primary requirement, then, for producing good fruit, is a longing after God…a desire to make His name great.  So, we go about completing these good works (that God prepared in advance for us to do according to Ephesians 2:10) by asking for Him to enable us, by immersing ourselves in Him.  We do NOT succeed and attain victory over sin by the strength of our will alone.  When we do this, we are worshipping our own will power—not the power of Christ.  Our own will power is fallible, but Christ’s power never fails.  Henri Arnold puts it this way, “As long as we think we can save ourselves by our own will power, we will only make the evil in us stronger than ever.”

So, my conclusion (assisted by Richard J. Foster in the book The Spiritual Disciplines) is this,  “The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us…This is the way with the Spiritual Disciplines—they are a way of sowing to the Spirit.  The Disciplines are God’s way of getting us into the ground; they put us where he can work within us and transform us.  By themselves, the Spiritual Disciplines can do nothing; they can only get us to the place where something can be done.  They are God’s means of grace…Spiritual growth is the purpose of the Disciplines.”

There you have it folks, an annotated dissertation on my journey through the question of good works.  Do I need to do them? Yes!  Does my salvation rely on them? No! How do I do them?  Through God’s grace and not my own power!   What is their purpose? To help me to glorify God! 

And that is my chief aim:  To Glorify God and to make Him known.  And it ought to be your aim too, if He has saved you. 

So, first, bask in His grace that requires nothing of you, and then, go make Him known by giving everything in you. 

The Bottom Line: Your works, enabled by Grace, show your love for Him.  And just like you, God longs to be adored. 

Let’s make Him famous, shall we?

 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:16

An Audience of ONE

So, can I tell y’all what I have been wrestling with lately?

Insecurity. 

There I said it.  And you know why I have been wrestling with insecurity?  My mind and spirit have been unsettled because I have been caring way too much what others think of me.  I have been feeling nervous and lacking confidence about my ability to do my new job. I didn’t know why I was feeling so down and dreary and overwhelmed—unable to enjoy my many blessings—until I sat at the feet of Jesus and let Him call me out.  First, He got my attention with this in the book “7” by Jen Hatmaker:

“I thought about Jesus, who never angled for credit, ever.  In fact, He had the most perplexing habit of telling people not to talk about His awesomeness, how He healed and saved.  Jesus always deferred glory, redirecting people to one another and toward His Father and Spirit, who was to come.  What Jesus didn’t do was complain the other rabbis got more temple time or had better synergy. 

I am commissioned to be a light, but I can’t illuminate this world while competing with the lights of others.  I mean, really? It isn’t possible to miss the point any worse. Together we are a city on a hill.  When one of us shines, it is a community victory.  If we all lived radiantly, we simply couldn’t be hidden any longer.  This is not about individual wattage; our power is communal, or it is meaningless.”

And then, He brought this to mind:

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

and this:

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Colossians 3:23-24)

And then it became clear to me what my problem was;  I was trying to please the world and all its people when all I really had to do was please God.  It seemed so silly and so simple all at the same time. 

We spend so much time worrying about, evaluating, conjecturing, and imagining what others think of us that it wears us down and makes us into a shell of the person God created us to be, when really all we have to do is make the next right choice. 

We don’t have to please all the people all the time…cause we can’t; We can long for their approval, their “Atta-girls”, but they might not give them.  We can, however, focus on obeying God with all that we have.  We can study His Truth so that we know what pleases Him.  And then, we can take all that energy that we were using to live up to other people’s expectations and sink it into adoring Him.  We can choose to serve Him alone as our Master.  And we can, as my friend Lynn says, quit trying to manage other people’s impressions of us. 

That’s God’s job.

And He thinks we are “very good”. 

Rest in that assurance today…and revel in your audience of ONE.

 

I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.

Psalm 119:32

 

My Dad’s America

You are in for a treat!  When my husband heard that I was having a “Soap Box Series”, he asked if he could do a post.  Now if you know Brent, you will realize that this is a very unusual request for him, so I knew he must feel strongly about something.  This post will replace my proposed “America” piece and will end our series.  (I also proposed something about teenagers for this series, but that will have be a topic for another time.)

Brent would like to dedicate this to his mom for her 69th birthday which was on July 16th.

My Dad’s America

My dad was the hardest working man I have ever known. In September of 1960, at the age of 24, he immigrated to America from Holland. He didn’t have much education, couldn’t speak any English. But America had tremendous opportunity and he had tremendous drive.

As a boy, every morning, by the time I woke up, my dad would already be at work. He would wake up at 3:30 or 4:00 a.m. each morning, 6 days a week and would typically work 70+ hour weeks. He did this from before I was born to long after I left home. He was happy to do it. He rarely complained, almost never took a sick day, and taught our family the value of hard work.

My mom and dad loved to tell stories of the “early years” when they lived in a one-room apartment and only had enough money to buy a 5 cent ice-cream cone every few weeks. They scrimped and they saved. Dad eventually saved enough money and started his own business – a small dairy distribution. He worked with his hands and always described himself as a milkman. My parents created a good life for themselves in small town Iowa and they prospered. By the time my dad retired, only a few short years before his death, he had perhaps reached the status of what our government calls “rich”. This is why America is the greatest country on earth. This is why, traditionally, people wait years and strive mightily to immigrate to America: To become Americans! I know this was true for my dad.

Because of America’s opportunities and my Dad’s hard work, I’ve had advantages that my Dad never enjoyed. I speak relatively understandable English (notwithstanding my wife’s corrections). I had the opportunity to attend Iowa State University and receive a degree. When I purchased my first rental house in 1991, I borrowed and received $5,000 from my parents for the down payment to acquire it. I’ve been successful. America, my dad and our economic system have been very good to me. I’ve made investments, I’ve started businesses; some good, some bad. I employee people, I provide services. I believe in America. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given.

I’m not very politically minded. I don’t spend much time thinking about our political system. I mean, I vote, and I support candidates that I believe in; I watch elections on TV, but it doesn’t often capture my attention. That all changed on Monday of this week. You see, on Monday a friend sent me a video of our president talking about small business owners. I watched it and became emotional and angry. I rarely become this way, and almost never about politics. The president spoke one phrase that I couldn’t get out of my head. One of the things he said was, “If you’ve got a business--you didn’t build that.” If you haven’t seen it yet, watch it here:

http://www.washingtontimes.com/blog/watercooler/2012/jul/15/picketvideo-obama-if-youve-got-business-you-didnt-/

What particularly struck me as surreal were the people cheering in the background. Don’t they realize what he is saying? Don’t they know what it means? The president was implying that the government was responsible for our business successes, and therefore, we (the rich), should be paying more taxes.

I don’t know if I should be paying more taxes or not, and the government probably plays a part in all of our successes. I’ll leave that debate for another day. But this is what I do know. My dad (not the government) got up at 3:30 in the morning day after day, week after week, year after year. It was hard on him and hard on the family. But he did it because he believed in the American dream. He believed that it would be better for his family and better for his children. He built a life, a family, a business and success. People like my dad are what make this country great. Their simple life, work ethic and values seem to me to be the very essence of America. We should esteem the people that work hard, take risks and build businesses in this country. We should not denigrate the essence of America! And we should not denigrate my dad! Let’s honor success and individual achievement. Let’s give my dad a pat on the back and say, “Job well done. You built something beautiful.”

Brent Haverkamp

A Mother’s Mission

I remember one particularly hard day, as a mom of four kids 6 and under, telling God, “This isn’t what I signed up for.”  My days were filled with spit up, dirty diapers, fighting kids, and crying (sometimes I was the one doing this).  It seemed like someone was always sick, someone was always screaming, someone was always hungry, and someone was always getting into the fridge and taking bites out of the apples.  I didn’t feel I could keep up.  Of course, there were the sweet moments too, when all four of them were sleeping soundly in their beds (I exaggerate here. We had other sweet moments when they were all awake, but for the sake of building a great story, hyperbole is necessary), but my day-to-day life was one of routine and drudgery.  I was worn out and felt useless in the kingdom of God. 

So one afternoon, as I was hanging out laundry on my clothesline—all by myself—I cried out to God and told Him I wanted to do big things for Him but didn’t feel capable; my family and my mothering tasks were exhausting me.  (You can read that story here (and also learn why I named my blog what I did).  God stopped me mid-sentence, and I heard Him speak clearly to my spirit, “Tori, you are doing exactly what I want you to be doing right now.”  What was I doing?  Something I did several times a week:  I was doing laundry—menial, boring, un-important, laundry.  But God was pleased.  He was pleased because He had chosen to make me a mother, and in doing laundry, I was taking care of my family—the very thing that I was supposed to be doing at that very time in my life.  Laundry, in essence, then, was the most spiritual thing I could be doing.  This understanding freed me to serve my family in a way that I had never done before, because I understood that I was doing big things for God by completing the tasks set before me.  I was building God’s kingdom by striving to be the best mom and wife—and servant—that I could be.

Christian moms, your main ministry focus is to be your kids when you still have them at home.  It’s OK to say no to more “lofty” sounding ambitions like teaching, training, or volunteering within in the body during this season (though for your mental health, you need to keep attending things like Bible study and women’s events, but you don’t have to feel obligated to lead).  Don’t feel you are not serving God because you aren’t  “visibly” building the Kingdom during this busy time.  When you make your kids and your husband your main mission now, the security and peace and routines you create will accomplish much for the future.  You are working on building a godly legacy during this short time; concentrate on it, take joy in it, do it well!  If you are one of those amazing people who can do lots but still be focused primarily on your kids, then go for it, but don’t overdo.  You will have many more kid-free years ahead to be used in that way.  The time that your little ones have to soak in the wisdom that you teach them is so short, but so important; revel in the task…and leave the ladder-climbing, resume-building, and the fast-track for later.

See, as a mom, you are doing ministry—right now, right in your home, when you wipe that nose and change that diaper and teach your children to clean up their messes.  And even if it doesn’t feel like it most days, you are serving the Kingdom in a mighty way.  Don’t let the world tell you that what you are doing is trivial. Raising up generations to love and serve the One Living God is never trivial in the sight of our Father.

Now go do the next thing; wash the dishes, spank the toddler, clean the marker off the carpet, read the same book again, curl up and watch a movie with your kids—your ministry is happening NOW.  And God is very pleased.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Deuteronomy 4:9

25 Christmas Sanity Savers

I wrote this little number when I had littl’ns myself. Now I have bigg’ns and I get a lot more done. But I remember Christmas with “helpers”, so here’s my little Christmas gift to you.

25 SANITY SAVERS

Instead of sitting the kids in front of the TV to watch The Polar Express (again) while you finish up those holiday projects, check this list…and put your little “helpers” to work!

Have the kids…

1. Make Christmas cards for friends and family.

2. Make a paper chain out of construction paper to hang on the Christmas tree.

3. Make a garland of ribbon and pretzels to hang on the Christmas tree.

4. Play a board game with their siblings.

5. Play in the snow…or in our case, the grass!

6. Make Christmas cookies with play-dough.

7. Dance to Christmas music.

8. Do homework… “How many balls are on the tree?” How many cans are in the pantry?”

9. Have a tea party with water and animal crackers.

10. Pretend they’re a grown-up and plan their family’s Christmas or vacation.

11. Look at the Christmas catalog and circle all the toys they like.

12. Make up actions to Christmas songs.

13. Color Christmas pictures and deliver them to elderly neighbors or to a nursing home.

14. Play in the bathtub in swimsuits.

15. Make stuff from boxes—a bus, a sleigh, a castle, a washer, a doll bed.

16. Make a fort under the card table.

17. Look at old photo albums or at photos on the computer.

18. Pretend it’s Easter and hide plastic eggs. Remember your basket!

19. Put on a Christmas puppet show.

20. Play Post Office with an old box, paper, stickers, and some envelopes.

21. Wash and dry dishes for your Mom.

22. Make up and perform a skit. Record it with a camcorder if Mom says yes.

23. Watch and do an exercise video.

24. Play fix-it shop with an old clock or radio (ask Mom first).

25. String beads or macaroni to make a necklace for Mom for Christmas!

 

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
   and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
They will be a garland to grace your head
   and a chain to adorn your neck.

Proverbs 1:8-9

Stop, drop, and rest

From my journal today:

Well, I’m at it again, God—this constant fight over productivity.  Sometimes productivity becomes my idol.  I am always trying to do more and more and do it earlier in the week--so I can relax?  No, so I can produce more later in the week.  What is my real purpose for You?  What am I to be doing for you NOW?  This lack of knowing worries me, and I think I mask that insecurity with doing. I am so afraid of wasting time. My productivity trap makes me focus on no one but me and my stuff and how much I can get done.  Help me break free from this, Lord.  Allow me freedom in You.

Freedom to be…freedom to pray…freedom to visit…freedom to read…freedom to create…freedom to enjoy.  Now, teach me and set me straight, God.

Well, God is faithful, and set me straight He did.  This is the very first verse He showed me:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

The minute I read it, I knew He was right and I cried. 

I get myself all worked up about so many things that, in the big picture, really don’t matter at all.  I make myself accomplish things that no one has asked me to do.  I put strict parameters on the ways I use my time because I am so afraid of being accused of laziness.  Do you notice how this forced discipline and productivity seeking makes me focus inward…instead of upward and sideward? (this is a word my nephew and niece, Ryan and Miranda made up when they were little.  It means going side to side—you know—like “frontwards, backwards…and sidewards”).  Instead of looking inward, I need to simplify and look upward to God to meet my need for purpose.  And if I am looking upward, I will develop eyes like Christ that see “sidewards” to those around me and a mouth that speaks the words of God—not the words of Tori.

If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 4:11

I know this predicament stems partially from choosing to be a homemaker at this season in my life.  I actually really like being at home and doing domestic, housewifely things, but I always worry about how others perceive this stay-at-home gig.  So, I figure, since my kids are at school all day, I better stay really busy and stay really productive, or I might lose favor with man.  However, when I speak truth to myself, I know that I am complete in Christ and I should not fear the opinion of people.  I know this, but I often forget it…and that’s when I slide into this whole productivity mess.  Productivity, in balance, is a wonderful thing.  Productivity, in excess, kills joy.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

So how do I stop this cycle of doing?  I learn, like Martha in Luke 10, to see value in sitting…and listening…and drinking in…the words of my Father.  I remember that when I look to Jesus—not my list--at the beginning of the day—my vision is clearer.  And I can rest.

If Jesus thought it better for Martha to sit at His feet—to put Him first—to stop working for the moment, then it’s probably Ok for me too.  If I do this, He will give me the desires of my heart.  It’s a promise.

I’m counting on it.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

A Lesson from Teddy

I get tired of working hard; sometimes it’s monotonous, I often get weary, and many things I do go unnoticed.  And though it’s OK to take time off—especially Sabbath rests—I need to work as if working for the Lord in each and every thing I attempt.  I found this quote to help me remember why hard work is the best work.  I think Teddy got this one right:

I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the man who desires mere easy peace, but to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.

~Theodore Roosevelt

Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Ephesians 6:7 (NLT)

Three Truths and A Lie

Let’s play a game called “Three Truths and a Lie”. To play the game, I have to tell you four things about myself and you have to pick out the one lie amongst the three truths. Ready? Here we go…

• I really like my children to make their beds
• I have shown my children how to make their beds
• None of my children make their beds on a regular basis
• Because my children don’t make their beds, I have trained them poorly and, therefore, I am a bad mother.

Can you guess which one is the lie?

I couldn’t, until I read a chapter in Practical Theology for Women about finding my identity in Christ. Before I read this chapter based on John 15 (the Vine and the branches), I assumed all of the above statements were true

But…after I spent some time at the feet of Jesus today, and after he reminded me not to base my identity on anyone or anything but Him, I realized that the last statement (the one about me being inept in child-rearing) was a lie. Their lack of bed-making success does not determine if I am a good or bad person. My worth is in Jesus Christ and Him alone. I cannot base my identity on my ability to succeed in my profession, on how productive my schedule is, or on how clean my children’s rooms appear. God does not value me less if my children are lazy in sheet straightening or value me more if they make hospital corners. God sees me as beautiful because Jesus is His lens. In Jesus, I am beautiful because His blood removed my unworthiness.

He is the vine—my lifeblood—my identity. I am a branch—dependent and unable to live without His grace and sustenance. I am valuable because I am in Jesus. Unmade beds do not demote me…but they still irritate me. So be it. I tried.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

God is For Us!

"Because a thing seems difficult for you, do not think it impossible for anyone to accomplish."
--Marcus Aurelius

I went to a Write To Publish conference this past weekend in Wheaton, Illinois, and it was very excellent…and overwhelming.  I really, really want to publish some of my writing, and I kind of thought publishing was one of those things where someone notices your stuff, asks you to write for them, and BAM! you’re an author/freelancer/journalist.  But let me tell you:  I was wrong. 

The publishing industry is just that—an industry—and it takes a tremendous amount of work and dedication even to get an article printed in a reputable magazine.  Things are done in a certain, standardized way…and nothing is just “BAM! you’re in.”

Hard work always has an element of fear for me.  Is it like this for everyone?  I’m resistant to the complex recipe, the difficult sewing project, and the follow-the-rules diet.  Things that take lots of work always scare me into wanting to take the easy road; sometimes, I give in to myself and I take it.  And sometimes, I choose to do the hard thing.  The funny thing is that when I choose the less traveled and more difficult way, I feel exceptionally proud of what I achieve.  I don’t feel this way when I take the easy path.  When I jump out of my own lazy comfort zone and work hard and long and well, I often master what I thought un-doable. 

I tell you all of this to describe what I felt at this conference:  UNQUALIFIED. 

I am unqualified. I cannot do this.  It is too hard for me.  But it is not too hard for God.  And in Him, I am fully capable.  This is something that one of the speakers told us:  We are not qualified, but Jesus Christ is; and if He lives in us, we are capable of much more than we think.

It also comforted me this weekend in church as we learned about Joshua and the fall of of Jericho.  Jericho did not fall because of the great military prowess of the Israelites.  Jericho did not fall because the Israelites were of supreme intelligence.  Jericho fell because God worked wonders with a people who decided to obey Him in a seemingly impossible task.  God was the Victor in the fall of the wall; the Israelites were just his instruments. He used his power and their submission—and BAM!, the wall fell down!

I’m still a little intimidated by all the work that awaits me if I want to become a real author.

But the Author of our faith is not, so I will go ahead and hide in Him.

If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 8:31

Time for Training

I’ve been thinking about something for a few days now.

Wednesday night Brent and I spoke to our church’s family ministry about money and stewardship.  We talked about assigning children jobs—just regular unpaid because-your-part-of-the-family chores.  We also talked about jobs-for-pay; these are any other jobs that are above and beyond the expected assigned tasks.  We pay our kids to do these things.  We figure that they need to have money to learn how to use money.

We explained that it takes time to train children to work well and work hard.  It also takes time to inspect the children’s work to make sure expected standards are met.  We gave the example of lawn mowing.  At the Haverkamp house, lawn mowing is a job-for-pay.  And it is a big job—since we have a big lawn--about 5 hours of time if done well.  Then, there  is the clean up afterward and the time for parent inspection.  All in all, this task can take almost an entire summer day.

Now here’s what made me sad:  One concerned father approached us after class and said,

“You know, I like what you said about training your kids to work and all, and I would love for my kids to learn that, but between our jobs, and all of the kids’ practices and activities, we never have a five hour chunk of time.  How can I teach them faster?”

And Brent’s wise answer to this sincere father of three was,

“You can’t.  Training takes time.”

I find it sad that many of today’s families are so busy that their kids aren’t learning to work.  Not only that, but those same kids don’t know how to play either.  I don’t mean organized sports and planned activities, I just mean laying in the grass and seeing shapes in the clouds; playing cops and robbers on bicycles; swinging so high your feet touch the tree leaves; making tents from sheets over the clothesline. 

Play is the work of childhood.  If our children today don’t have time to do this, and do it often, how will they ever learn to be real workers in the real world?

Childhood is short.

Training takes time.

Hard work pleases God.

 

Just something to think about.

 

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6