If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you will see I like lists. I like lists in real life too. I don't know why. I just do. It has something to do with feeling like I am in control or something. Ha. So...here's another one:
Last Wednesday night I was on a date with my husband and I uncharacteristically ordered a steak. That steak, and the work that it took to eat it, made me think about all the things that I am really bad at doing--you know what I am talking about--it's those activities that you sometimes have to do (or apparently, in my case, choose to do) to live your life as a grown-up. These are the tasks that you hate to perform because you are so bad at them that you look stupid*. Here's my list:
* To all you amateur psychiatrists out there, I do have a proper self-image and am aware that I am also good at some things. I am not self-absorbed with my faults, but I do think self-deprecation is pretty darn hilarious, and it keeps me humble. Really, it's all good. Just relax.
Things I am exceptionally bad at:
(usually my grammar is not one of them. leave me alone.)
1. I am bad at chewing. It's true. I think I was meant to be a herbivore because it takes me great effort to chew things like steak and stretchy cheese. Usually I just stick with hamburger, pasta, or soup because those things are easy to chew and don't require so much embarrassing effort to consume. My husband, Brent, is a good chewer and can eat a steak as easily as a peanut butter sandwich.
2. I am bad at cutting meat. This point corresponds with the one above. Not only am I a bad chewer, I am a bad cutter, which is the reason steak is so infrequently ordered. Sometimes, when Brent and I travel, I see these sophisticated French people who eat with both their fork and their knives, and cutting looks easy for them. I never know in which hand to hold the fork in and which to hold the knife--it all seems very confusing and cumbersome to me which is why I like yogurt and applesauce.
3. I am bad at volleyball. I tried to learn how to play. I really did. But the serving thing stumps me and I look ridiculous trying to do it. When I was a college student, for some reason, sand volleyball was the thing you did when you gathered as a group, so, often I would start to sweat and act like I needed to go the bathroom so I could be gone when the actual game started. It usually worked. And if someone said, "You can still play!", I would just politely decline saying that I would rather watch, but in actuality, I didn't like watching either because I am also bad at watching sports.
4. I am bad at fractions. and math in general. But when fractions are involved, my heart rate rises because I can't remember if I am supposed to flip them over and add them or leave them as is and make the bottom numbers match by somehow multiplying them. I do, however, know that 8 tablespoons of butter is one-half cup, and that is a fraction so I feel good about it. I also feel good about butter. Additionally (see what I did there), something I read once said that CS Lewis was bad at math and this comforted me because people love CS Lewis and think he was smart.
5. I am bad at big numbers. I know this kind of goes with the last point, but it is different because not only am I bad at writing and reading big numbers, I am really bad at speaking big numbers. And for this reason, I don't. It is so hard to remember how many zeros follow million, billion, and trillion. Good thing I shop at Aldi and never have to write anything that big. And good thing my lists are short.