I bought a Ken doll on my last Walmart run. In addition, I purchased a black tux for him and a white wedding dress for Barbie. Why were these things on my list among staples like eggs, milk, and bananas? Let me tell you the backstory.
My six-year-old granddaughter, Joelle, was playing at my house with my very limited Barbie selection when she decided to have a wedding. Gathering up the two Barbies (the wedding party), the lone Skipper doll and Skipper’s two dogs (the guests), she dressed them all–minus the plastic pooches–in their finest and frilliest dresses. Then she marched the two biggest of the Barbies down the aisle between the couch and coffee table.
Married
When I asked her what she was doing, she innocently told me that she was playing “wedding” and presented the new couple to me for perusal. As I looked at the meticulously dressed pair, I told Jo that I needed to get a Ken doll so Barbie could marry Ken, to which she responded, “Sometimes girls marry girls.”
Gulp.
When my sweet, innocent granddaughter responded in this way, it felt like an offense to my soul. And when my soul is offended, I often speak rashly. But this time, by God’s grace, I didn’t. What I did was what I call “swallow the gasp”.
When I took a few minutes to “swallow”, I was able to resist my most natural reply: “It’s sinful for girls to marry girls.” I chose to thwart this opinion because, even though I firmly hold it, I am trying to reframe my perspective about the brokenness in our world. So, instead I said, “Sometimes girls do marry girls, I said, but that’s not God’s beautiful design.”
Marred
It’s the truth. God’s design is beautiful, but when his design is marred by people who don’t know him, the discrepancy tempts me to play judge. Because I believe God’s design for life and marriage is the very best thing for all of us, I dismiss the dignity of those who eschew it, and gasp at the thought of their choice. Though I would never admit this, I label myself as better than them, and I let my words of judgement flow out of my mouth and –sometimes–into my granddaughter’s ears.
When I respond by gasping instead of showing graciousness, I, too, mar God’s beautiful design. So many times I, the Christian, have talked derogatorily about them, the non-Christian pursuing the sinful paths our society offers to them. Why should I expect anything else? But judging them is not my job–it’s God’s. Recently, I was convicted of this by a tiny book by Amy Carmichael called “If”. In this slim volume, Amy writes several pages about Calvary love, and she says this: “If I belittle those whom I am called to serve, talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points; if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting “who made thee to differ? And what hast thou that thou hast not received?” I know nothing of Calvary love.” Wow. Wouldn’t I show Calvary love more fully if, when my soul is offended, I swallowed the gasp–and my judgement–and let sweet words of beauty come out?
When I errantly speak of these Biblical values as rules to be followed, I take away the freedom of the gospel. When I use the gospel to defend myself rather than give life to my neighbor, I steal the appeal of godliness. But when I demonstrate by my words and deeds, the solidity and clarity and graciousness of God’s free gift to me through the death of Jesus–a death that I deserve–I wipe away the grime from the lens my friends are looking through and let the Son shine in.
Marvelous
The gospel is not onerous or heavy to bear. The gospel is marvelous because it gives broken humans, like me, a way to become whole again. So, why do I so often gasp? I should be gazing so intently at the gospel that others can’t help but look.
Because I have been gazing more lately, I was able to respond rightly after Barbie had married her friend. Had I gasped when Joelle told me that girls marry girls, she would have learned to look at wordly people as “less-than, invaluable, bad”. But by allowing the Holy Spirit to refocus my mind on God’s beautiful design, I was able to explain that people are faulted, but God is grand. Even though I don't want to emulate sinful choices or celebrate worldly actions, I can esteem these image-bearers as people whom God dearly loves. Rather than condemning what is clearly condemnable, I can choose to offer something commendable–God’s majesty and beauty and his most marvelous ways!