Marriage Builder Series #3: He's Not Your Savior

Hey girlfriends!  It’s a bummer when we feel like our needs aren’t getting met through our mate.  But, here’s some truth for you:  We were never promised that…at least on this side of Heaven. 

Let’s review the first two rules we’ve established thus far:

Rule #1:  He’s  A Good Guy…believe the best in him

Rule #2:  He’s Not Your Project…stop picking on him

And now, our next step to a great marriage is this…

Rule #3:  He’s Not Your Savior…let him off the hook

God gave you your husband as your leader and best friend.  Often, we as wives forget this; we see our mates as the enemy because they are incapable of meeting all of our needs.  We want them to be our “Jesus with skin on”, but the fact is, they cannot.  Jesus is the only Perfect Savior.  Only He can meet all of our needs.

The fact that we have needs and desires is a given.  God created all of us with passions and longings—knowing only He could meet these.  We live in a fallen, sinful world where everyone is aching for wholeness.  The Bible speaks of it in this way, “For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together…” Romans 8:22.  The pain, suffering, and disappointment that we suffer together as humanity evidences the fact that we live in a broken world—a world that cannot fulfill us (and just as with labor pains, something better is coming!)  But that doesn’t mean those feelings of neediness disappear. Longings themselves are not sin.  Sin enters our thinking when we expect our husbands to meet every desire of our heart.  If he could meet them, we wouldn’t need Jesus.  And anything that makes us need Jesus is a blessing.

Our society has bought into the philosophy that there is a remedy for every unfulfilled longing.  A quote from the book, Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh De Moss explains the problem; “We are encouraged to identify our longings and do whatever is necessary to get those “needs” met. Therefore . . . if you’re hungry, eat. If you want something you can’t afford, charge it. If you crave romance, dress or act in a way that will get men to notice you. If you’re lonely, share your heart with that married man at work.”  This deception has caused heartache and bondage for many women. It is at the heart of much anxiety, resentment, and depression so rampant in our world today.   Don’t let it suck you in.

It’s wonderful when your husband works hard at making you feel loved, but that’s not always going to be the case.  And that’s ok because life is not all about you.  Your needs and desires don’t define you.  Your identity must rest in Jesus.  You can live a joyful life without complete fulfillment. Many people do—look at blind people and those in wheelchairs and people unable to have children.  Those people don’t understand why God gave them limitations, but they must live with the reality of them.  Even Paul, the writer of much of the New Testament begged God to take away his “thorn in the flesh”, but God said no.  Paul learned to live with unmet desires.  You can too.  It makes us all yearn for Heaven.

God said he is able to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory (Phil 4:19) and we need to choose to believe that.  Why do we doubt the Creator of the Universe, the Creator of our souls?  He is able and He is compassionate towards us; he sees every one of our hurts and slights and struggles.  He collects all of our tears. 

So we need to ask Him for what we desire, let Him choose our course, and trust Him with the outcome.  Then we can relax in His provision for us because it is always good. Here’s the application:  Sweetly let your husband know what loves you and then leave it up to him to try to meet that need.  He won’t always do it right and he may not do it regularly. Choose to love him anyway and let God do all the rest.

Challenge for the Day: On one side of a sheet of paper make a list of all the needs your husband doesn’t seem to be meeting.  Now on the other side, try to imagine a way in which God could meet that need—maybe not even through your husband’s efforts.  Sometimes, the “needs” we feel are actually just preferences for attention or affirmation that can be met through our girlfriends or through God’s very practical  Word.  Want to know how much God loves you?  Read through Isaiah 43:1-7 or Psalm 139.  You have a Father that adores you.  Believe it.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.

Psalm 56:8