Marriage Builder Series #2: He's Not Your Project

Hey girlfriends!  Real marriage is real hard.  There’s a reason we need rules to follow.  Rules provide boundaries for us.  These boundaries give us clear-cut guidelines of ways we can succeed.  They also keep us safe from spiritual attack from the enemy who hates marriage.  Let’s keep Satan at bay by choosing truth over feelings and unity over brokenness. 

Rule #1 reminded us that our husbands were good guys and we need to change our view of them.  Rule #2 follows that same vein.  Read on…

Rule #2.  He’s Not Your Project...stop picking on him

Guess what ladies?  Your husband is not your project.

He is, however, God’s project if the Holy Spirit lives in him.  If you are married to a Christ-follower, you can be assured that God is speaking to him, just like God speaks to you.  If you are constantly trying to change your husband into someone different or someone more godly, you are actually the one who should be changing your tune.  Your husband probably knows the areas in which he is weak.  He doesn’t need you to remind him. When we pronounce judgment upon others, it usually means we should really be looking inward at our own faults rather outward at others.  Only God can judge another’s heart.  Only God can inspire true change.  So, that means you need to stop picking and complaining and berating him for his maleness. And you need to start appreciating him.  He’s worth it.

Prayer can be a great way to deal with this dilemma.  Feel free to tell God all the things you would like to see changed in your husband.  God knows how to speak so he will listen.  When God speaks, your husband will be convicted of his shortcomings.  When you speak these same things, it will be seen as nagging.  So, let God do the talking in these instances and sit back and be sweet—confident that the Lord will do the shaping required to make your guy a great man.

Sometimes it helps if we turn the tables.  Would you like it if your husband were constantly trying to change you?  Would it make you feel affirmed and loved…or degraded and disrespected?  I think you know the answer to that.  Your husband has feelings too.  Please tread lightly on his fragile ego. 

And finally, no comparison-shopping!  Your husband is the man that God gave specially to you.  HE is your ideal.  HE is the one you compare all other men to.  HE is your measure of manliness.  HE is the one you have committed your life to.  Choose to focus your eyes on him and no one else.  You used to think he was a steal.  Remember?  Comparing your mate to others (whose “warts” you cannot see) is terribly dangerous and will make you discontented with the man God chose for you.  DON’T GO THERE.  Enough said.

Your husband is not, and will never be your savior.  He cannot meet each and every need you have.  Only God can do that; let Him.  And give your precious husband a pass on being perfect.  When you choose to accept your husband the way that God made him—idiosyncrasies and all—you allow him to function in confidence and freedom.  When your husband knows that you approve of him, he will feel warm towards you—it’s true. 

And you will like him so much more.

Challenge for the Day:  What is something you would like to change about your mate?  Write it down, but say nothing to your husband.  Then, commit yourself to praying for this request everyday and wait expectantly for God to speak.  As you sit at Jesus feet in prayer, you may find He changes you instead.

Better to live on the corner of a roof
than to share a house with a nagging wife

Proverbs 2:19