The Word on Worrying

I have been thinking a lot about worrying lately. I really haven't been worrying, I've just been mulling over the fact of why I do it sometimes. Scripture says that true love casts out all fear, and I believe that I do truly love my Lord, so why am I fearful sometimes? Why do I allow anxiousness to take over? Is my true love false?

Here's what I found out: The greek word for "care" is merimna. The root word of merimna is merizo, and merizo means 'to draw in different directions, distract; associated with anxious care or anxiety'. This word is used in the Parable of the Sower (Matt 13:22; Mark 4:19; Luke 8:14) when describing the seed sown among the thorns, "The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries (merimna) of this life...choke it, making it unfruitful."

Here is what I learned: When I worry about things, I am allowing my mind to be divided--or drawn in different directions. When I worry, I am focusing on many things--just not the right thing--My Lord and my Savior.

"I hate double-minded men, but I love your law" Psalm 119:113

When I worry, I take responsibility, robbing God of His power and His peace. Worrying also shows God that I am not really grateful for --or trusting in--his Divine Sovereignty. I need to be thankful that He's "got my back" not doubtful of His goodness.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

When I worry, I "choke" God, and His Word, out of my life. Not only does my worrying prevent me from fully listening to God's instructions, it makes me feel powerless to carry them out. Worrying never gains, it only drains. Spending time with God in His Word always grows me and equips me. The Word is always valuable.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

Here's my application: Hang with me here for a second; Once upon a time, many moons ago, we had this weird rubber fish on a plaque that sang and kind of flopped around when you pushed a button on the wood part. Here's the one valuable thing I gained from that ridiculous item--it sang a song of truth (with a slight Jamaican accent). The fish sang, "Don't worry. Be happy" over and over and over again. And as I think back to that flopping, singing Bass, I think that God would agree. We don't have to worry. We can be happy. He's takin' care of EVERYTHING.

No problem...He's got you covered. Now that's something to sing about!

"I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me."

Psalm 13:6

Tickle His Heart

Last night as I was climbing into bed for the night, Luke called me. He didn't call me because he wanted anything. He didn't call me because he was troubled. He called me simply because he was happy. He had a good day and he wanted to share his joy. I was honored to be the one with whom he chose to share. His choice to share this gratitude with me loved me, and in turn brought me joy.

And I got to thinking, shouldn't we be more like this with God our Father?

Most of the time I pray because I need something that He can give me--security, peace, wisdom, safety, patience, or discernment. And this is OK because God wants us to seek Him when we need direction. But wouldn't it honor God, wouldn't it just tickle Him, if I would also go to Him when I am happy? Or when I am just bubbling over with gratitude for all my blessings? Wouldn't He be honored if I ran to Him first--with no other intention than to spill my happy heart? I think it brings Him joy when we are joyful--after all, we are His children and He came that we might have abundant life.

I want to give God joy.

I want to run to Him and share my happiness.

I want to show Him a thankful heart.

Because I am blessed. And Because He is the Blesser.

And because He deserves my joy.

Worship the LORD with gladness;

Come before him with joyful songs.

Psalm 100:2

The Launching

OK, so besides giving birth to the kid, that was one of the hardest things I've done as a parent--leaving my first-born son in a dorm room, by himself, far away...from me.

I had decided not to cry when I was with Luke because I know he thinks that crying is kind of weird and superfluous, but as Brent hugged him good-bye and it was my turn to love on him, I kind of lost it, and the emotions rushed out on their own accord. I was able to pull it together in the end and hug him again without tears so that he wouldn't think I was a total, blubbering loser, but as I left the room and walked down the hall, I had to put on my sunglasses--if you know what I mean--and I got a very gentle, knowing glance from a fatherly-looking man coming down the hall towards me.

And it got me to thinking; I really don't remember that I cared a lot about my parent's feelings when they dropped me off at college so many years ago. In fact, I don't think I ever really internalized that my parents had feelings at all. I was so exhilarated with the fact that freedom was finally mine, that I never gave it a thought that my parents could be suffering--even just a little bit (OK, I'll admit it. I was a pain in the butt as a teenager and maybe they were just relieved). At that point in my life, I was fairly self-absorbed and life revolved around me and my new experiences. And as a college student, I think, to some extent, that self-focus is OK, since college life is often remarkably free of "real responsibilities"--a time when you can chase your dreams and pursue your goals. College is supposed to kind of be "all about you"--within reason.

I loved college. I discovered who I really was in college. I grew in maturity in college. I hope Luke can do this too.

So as you are sitting and reading these last few posts and saying, "Speaking of self-focused, I think she is becoming rather inward...", let me assure you that I know I need to broaden my focus and look outward and Upward. My help and my security comes from the Lord and not from me controlling my circumstances. And I am learning to be content. Bear with me. And pray for me. I need it.

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:11-13

Time Wins

So here I sit...struggling against all the changes that my life is throwing at me. It doesn't matter how much I struggle, though, my foolish kicking and screaming don't make one iota of difference to TIME--which marches on. I read an article in Scientific American while I was on vacation and it said something like, "scientists are now discussing if the dimension of "time" really exists at all..." The article was interesting and all, but come on folks, TIME exists! I can see it in my graying hair and my kid's too-short jeans. I can see it when my babies turn into teenagers in the blink of an eye. And I can see it when I remember how things used to be--and long for it to be that way again. Here's what I am talking about:

• No one had to buy crayons or markers or any fun little-kid stuff for school this year--just grown up, boring, un-fun school supplies....
• No one really "plays" outside anymore; they might lay on the hammock or ride their bike to a friend's house, but my days of sitting in my Adirondack chair and watching them play on the swingset are over... "Look, Mom! I can touch the the tree with my toes!"
• When I go to Target or Walmart to do errands, I don't have a whole gaggle of kids following me--in fact, more often than not, I am alone...
• And the biggie...Luke leaves for college TOMORROW and I will be setting out five--not six--places at the dinner table every night--until I set out 4, then 3, then 2....

My family is growing up and I don't like it.

My kids are turning into young adults and I don't like it.

I REALLY liked all the little kid stuff like doing the Library Reading Program in the Summer and having dirty tired kids who played all together on the swingset after eating supper on the porch. I liked reading books to them and drawing pictures on their lunch sacks, and I even liked watching Arthur in the afternoons after school while they thought I was working in the kitchen.

I REALLY loved having little kids!

And I really love the ages my kids are now!

Does that sound contradictory? I guess what I am saying is that I have thoroughly enjoyed my kid's childhoods and the role of "Mom" is a comfy, cozy place for me. I want things to be static, but at the same time, I want my kids to enjoy all the dynamic, life-changing, growth-producing stages that I experienced. I can't have it both ways.

TIME seems to be the winner in this game, so I'm thinking maybe I should stop pouting. And start enjoying all that this stage of life has to offer.

But...just for now, I think I'll cry a little. Tomorrow will be a new day.

"One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14

Closed Due to Flooding

Sorry for the inconvenience, but this blog has been temporarily closed because of flooding:

• Flooding of my basement because of too much rain--ruining my new wood floor
• Flooding of my time doing loads and loads of backpacking and flood laundry
• Flooding of my energy staying up late scrubbing the sludge out of my basement tile and putting rooms back together
• Flooding of my internet access (due to my almost two week vacation in the remote back-country and my weekend at the lake--from which I just returned)
• Flooding of my emotions as I realize that my oldest son leaves our home in exactly 5 days
• Flooding of my tears as I say goodbye to wonderful neighbors who are moving away
• Flooding of my grip as I realize that I am not the one who is in control ...

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2

Hiking to Heaven

So....we leave for Alaska in the morning, but I wanted to share with you something I have observed these last few weeks. I have noticed something wonderful in my family as we prepare to go on our 4th annual summer backpacking adventure. Here it is:

Going on a backpacking trip is a LOT of work--and this year that work is compounded by the fact that we are flying to our destination. But because we all love, love, love to go hiking, the work doesn't seem burdensome at all. In fact, it seems exciting and fun! I don't think that I have heard one complaint from any of the family members when I asked them to plan a menu...or dehydrate pounds and pounds of fruit, vegetables, or meat...or set out the tents and check for holes...or find the trowel (for you-know-what)--hey you either bury it or pack it out--which would you choose?...or check the water filter to make sure it filters. (OK--well, maybe I complained a little when I bought the wrong batteries for the GPS--give me a break--I was exhausted from my 3rd trip to Target). We so love the goal--hiking together in God's beautiful creation--that the way to get there seems not wearisome, but enjoyable!

Shouldn't we all be more like this when we think about preparing ourselves for our real and permanent home--Heaven? Shouldn't our infatuation with the dream--the reality of someday meeting Him--OUR FATHER-- make us giddy with excitement and anticipation? All of this training ourselves to think rightly and lining our lives up with the Word--all of this denying ourselves and looking to Him--shouldn't this give us just a little shiver of longing when we realize what all of our "preparation" is for? Sure it is hard and tiring and sometimes you just want to stop and be done cause it seems like you will never be fully ready, but if you stick with it and you keep on "carrying your pack", you WILL see your mountaintop...your goal... your JESUS!

The good stuff is yet to come, so keep on keepin' on. Don't let the many tasks in front of you get you down. Your final goal is within reach. Look UP!

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

John 14:2-4

Hanging and Hoping

"...but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Beth Moore helped me understand something today. I think you will all be able to relate to her word picture. Here what she said on the last day of my Breaking Free Bible study:

"When my children were little, if they couldn't get me to stop and play with them, they would hold on to my waist and wrap their legs around one of mine. I'd whistle, go about my business, and say, 'I wonder what [my girls] are doing right now?' They would laugh hysterically. My heart never failed to be overwhelmed with love, because I realized that their favorite game was to hang onto me!"

"To 'hope in the Lord' is to do with God exactly what my children did with me! To wrap ourselves around Him as tightly as we can. Why does Isaiah 40:31 present the concept of binding ourselves to God in context with being weary and faint? Think about the illustration of the game my children and I played. Who did most of the work? I did! what was their part in the game? Binding themselves to me and hanging on tight. Do you see the parallel? When we start feeling weary, like stepping out of the way for awhile, we're probably taking on too much of the battle ourselves.

"You'll never be more beautiful to God than when He can look down and see you hanging on to Him for dear life!"

Isn't that the coolest analogy! I am picturing myself, right now, hanging on to God's legs tightly. My only job is to hold on with all my might--to intertwine myself with Him. His only job is to take care of everything else. I think I have the better deal.

And if I am hanging onto my Lord with both hands, I can't reach out for all the charms this world has to offer. Isaiah 40:31 says if I bind to Him tightly, I will soar with Him freely.

I want to put my hope in Him,

He is so worth hoping in!

Perfect

"From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth."

Psalm 50:2

I love this verse. When I read it today, it stopped me in my tracks. It created the same kind of awe in me that I experience when I see a deer leaping gracefully in the field while I am running with the rising sun. It created the kind of thankfulness in me that overflows every time I see His promised rainbow in the sky. It created the kind of longing in me that aches every time I read about my treasure in Heaven.

God is PERFECT. God is BEAUTIFUL. God shines forth, perfect in beauty...because He is God. And because He can. I love that.

So powerful. So striking. So right. So good. So GOD.

"I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me."

Isaiah 46:9

Admiration

So, I only have a few minutes and I realize that it is July 2oth and I have only posted twice! this month, but here are a few things that have been rolling around in my head:

I just finished To Kill A Mockingbird and loved it! As an avid classics reader, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I had never read it. I fell in love with Atticus, the father, and the way he always thought the best of people--even bad people--by saying, "You know, that's just their way..." He refused to let unwholesome words come out of his mouth when discussing others and I really admire that about him. I want to be more like Atticus.

I have also been reading the book of Esther and am awed by how loosely Esther holds onto her life. When her uncle Mordecai encourages her to go and talk to the king about the planned annihilation of the Jews, she tells him that anyone who approaches the king uninvited could be killed on the spot unless the kings extends his scepter to them. Esther continues to consider her fate and then tells her beloved uncle, "I will go to the King, even though it is against the law. AND IF I PERISH, I PERISH." What a cool testimony of someone who fully trusts God with their very life. I want to be more like Esther.

My dog has been limping and probably needs to have surgery to repair a ligament, so we have been keeping him cooped up in either the porch or his kennel for nearly three weeks now to see if it will heal itself. It is a slow, boring time of possible healing for Neo and he doesn't like it. And he wishes he could run and play, but he can't because we won't let him. But you know what? Even though Neo doesn't understand why we are restricting him (and he probably thinks it is kind of mean) he still loves us the same as always and he trusts that we know what we are doing. Just because he is uncomfortable doesn't make him judge us "unfair". Neo trusts his masters implicitly. I want to be more like Neo.

Most importantly, though, I want to be like Jesus. And being more like Atticus and Esther and Neo will make me resemble Him more. May it be so.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. "

I Thessalonians 5:23-24

WWAJD?

“If I had not felt certain that every additional trial was ordered by infinite love and mercy, I could not have survived my accumulated sufferings.”

Adoniram Judson

This morning, while waiting for a friend, I was listening to a CD of John Piper talking about Adoniram Judson. Adoniram (whom I have nicknamed AJ from now on) was a pioneer missionary to Burma (now called Myanmar) in the early 1800’s. I was so enthralled by the story of his life that I plan to read his biography, To the Golden Shore, just as soon as I can get my hands on it.

Most people, upon hearing Adoniram’s story, would say that AJ was dealt an unfair hand in this life. After choosing to be “all in” for Christ, he had numerous hardships and endured great suffering; his first and second wives died before him (the second one on a voyage back to the United States to treat her disease); many children born to him in his first, second and third marriages died in infancy or childhood, he was wrongly imprisoned and tortured for 19 months and accused of being a spy; his converts were few at the beginning; and his work at translating the New Testament in the Burmese language was tedious and difficult. Such was the life of a missionary in those times. But AJ persevered and continued to die again and again to his desires, his affections, his comforts, and his will.

Because of the life he lived--and the life he gave up-- when he died at age 62, in the 38th year of his ministry, Adoniram Judson left seven thousand Burmese believers behind as a testimony. And then he entered the presence of his Savior and his true home…where he suffers no more.

What struck me most about AJ was this: He totally trusted in the One whom He had chosen. When bad things happened to him, when his life fell to pieces, he was able to say, “If I had not felt certain that every additional trial was ordered by infinite love and mercy, I could not have survived my accumulated sufferings.” He KNEW that God loved him and would only do what was best for him—even if the “best” looked like horror to him.

He really trusted God…I don’t do that.

I worry about the future and about what I would do if something happened to my husband or one of my kids. I refuse to do some things because I am scared of the outcome. I don’t pray, “God, increase my faith” because I think He might take something away from me. How pitiful I am…and how weak my trust in the Almighty God.

If I am to truly be effective in this scary, changing, and lost world, I must hold on to the Truth that is comforting, unchanging, and secure. If I say I want to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone, I MUST TRUST HIM FULLY. I MUST NOT FEAR SUFFERING. For I know that anything he orders is allowed out of an infinite love and perfect mercy. I must make the decision to believe that God is always good.

God is ALWAYS good even when I “feel” like He isn’t.

AJ said another thing which made me stop and examine my heart. As he was speaking on one occasion, a Hindu man exclaimed that the gospel couldn’t possibly be true because a great king would never subject his son to suffering as Jesus endured. AJ quickly took the man aside and said, “You are not a true disciple. A true disciple inquires not whether a fact is true to his own reason, but whether it is in the Book. Your pride has not allowed you to yield to the Divine Testimony.”

Wow.

A true disciple inquires not whether a fact is true to his own reason…my mind…my feelings. A true disciple looks in the book …the Bible…to see if the “fact” is truly true.

Am I just being proud when I determine “rightness” of things based on my feelings? Yes.

Do I need to deny myself and remember that everything I suffer is ordered in Love? Yes.

Do I need lots of grace for this? You bet.

As my old buddy, Oswald Chambers says, "I need to believe God is always the God I know Him to be when I am nearest to Him."

So, next time I am faced with fear that is raw and emotions that tempt me to doubt my Father, I will remember AJ and say “What would AJ do?” And I will do it. So help me God.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

1 Peter 5:10-11