Extravagant Redemption

A few months ago, I decided to pray daily for my wayward brother-in-law.

Then, about a week ago, God said, "Tori, I want you to pray that Chuck feels my love for him--that he would be drawn by my cords of loving kindness."

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving-kindness. "(Jer. 31:3)

And I said, "God, I don't want to." But God said "That's OK, do it anyway. It's what I want."

So I did. Every day.

Today, as I was preparing my D6 Kindergarten lesson about Joseph, God spoke again. His words were so powerful that I sobbed when I heard them.

The lesson said, "God not only redeemed Joseph out of these situations, He redeemed him extravagantly."

EXTRAVAGANTLY.

God said, "Tori, now I want you to pray that I will redeem Chuck extravagantly; that he would feel my extravagant, undeserved, unconditional love for him because I am a God of extravagant redemption."

And I cried. And then I said, "God, I don't want to." But God said "That's OK, do it anyway. It's what I want."

So I did. Right there. Today. And I will do it again tomorrow and the next day. I will keep on praying for Chuck's extravagant redemption until God tells me to pray something else.

God's plans trump all. What he wants to happen will. What I want to happen might not.

So, when he wants me to pray loving prayers for someone unlovely, I can do that for Him. He did that for me.

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)

God is faithful.

He is faithful to redeem our lives in ways that are more wonderful than we can imagine.

He sees the bigger picture.

I will trust Him.

I will obey even when I don't agree.

"For while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom 5:8)

And I will expect Him to act.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD."

Psalm 40:1-3

Time-less

" How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none. Eternal years lie in His heart. For Him time does not pass, it remains; and those who are in Christ share with Him all the riches of limitless time and endless years. God never hurries. There are no deadlines against which He must work. Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves. For those out of Christ, time is a devouring beast; before the sons of the new creation, time crouches and purrs and licks their hands." ~ A.W. Tozer

I have just finished the chapter called "God's Infinitude" in A.W. Tozer's book, The Knowledge of the Holy. And though the concept of infinitude, or limitlessness, is difficult to grasp, I found the above passage greatly comforting. Though it is impossible for the limited mind to grasp the Unlimited, we can appreciate what we do not understand. Being "unlimited" is wholly unlike anything that we have known in our world filled with time, space and matter.

However, the reason that I contemplate this unmeasurable attribute of my Abba is simple--He fascinates me and I want to learn everything about Him--I desire to know Him more and more.

As humans, time is often our enemy--stealing opportunities and energy and making memories of moments that we wish would last forever. We race against time. We try not to waste time. Sometimes we lose track of time.

In some instances, we resent time--wishing it to heal our hearts faster or unite us with loved ones sooner. Time plods along when we anxiously await for "that happy day".

God does not exist in time. He is not limited by "his list". He does not race to complete his purposes. He never hurries because he is boundless and free from the restraints of time.

I think He sees all of life--from creation to His return as one long glance--kind of like a panoramic photograph. Nothing takes Him by surprise. He knows what will happen next--because next is not next for Him for He is not limited by time. There is no past, present, and future for our Lord. He sees it all the same. Chance and change are not words that describe Him for He always--and will always--remain the same. Time cannot change Him for the better or for the worse like it can us, because He is perfect and continues to be that way.

As Christ-followers, these unfathomable truths should bring us peace. If God is not worried, then I can be confident. If God knows what is going to happen to me, then I can be secure. If God never changes, then I can believe in His faithfulness.

God is controlling time. He is not controlled by it. God is controlling us, so in Him, we are time-less. If we hide in Him and He lives through us, our lives can be that of a carefree child.

And time will be like Sasha, purring in my arms.

" Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!

How unsearchable his judgments,

and his paths beyond tracing out!"

Romans 11:33

Glimpses of Heaven

As I walked my invalid dog on one of his 10 minute exercise walks today, God allowed me to feel profound joy. Everything was right. I walked along the golden corn and praised God for it's upcoming harvest. I walked in the cool green grass past a pile of old rocks that the children had played with summers ago, and happy memories replayed in my head. I walked between two excellent climbing trees and past the old swing set and through some sweet smelling bedsheets drying in the wind. The birds were chirping happily. The breeze was blowing softly. And I felt so blessed because God gave all of this to me! And it was perfect. And I was part of it.

Occasionally God allows me this feeling of overflowing joy. It bubbles up from the depth of my being and I feel like a carefree child--secure, content, complete. Sometimes I wonder if this is what God felt as He walked through His beautiful garden, admiring all of His handiwork. Maybe He also had a sense of profound satisfaction as He pronounced everything "Very Good".

I remember having this feeling often as a child and now as an adult, occasionally, but I can not replicate it by my own will. I wish I could, as it is wonderful, and I love when it appears; it makes me appreciate such simple pleasures--like warm sunshine and the delicious sound of Sasha purring in my arms. When this joy appears, I am truly full; thank-full, grace-full, plenty-full.

Sometimes I think God gives me these joy-full times to give me little glimpses of Heaven.

You know He's preparing it for us right now!

And that is VERY GOOD!

" You have made know to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Psalm 16:11

Clean Like Him

My goal was to write in my blog four times a week. That was my goal. This, however, is reality: I have been very busy and have chosen to put other important, necessary things before my blog. And I have chosen to sleep at night rather than staying up in the quiet hours to write.

I love the late, quiet, night hours. My inspiration comes pouring in as the evening stills and the bugs chirp. Night time is my favorite time to be alone, to be introspective, to reflect. Lately, my days have been so full that I haven't taken the time to really think and really wonder. But tonight, I wanted to post one short clothesline conversation that God and I had earlier this week.

Listen closely.

This week, while doing my necessary weekly housecleaning, I learned a little about why God allows unpleasant things in our lives. Because I was feeling rather Laura Ingalls Wilder-like, I took all my household rugs outside and draped them over the clothesline. My invalid (I mean invalid as in "recovering from surgery" as opposed to invalid as in "the case of the Florida voter ballots in the 2000 presidential election") dog has been spending much time inside lately and I felt like these rugs needed a good, thorough cleaning. So, after they had been hanging for awhile in the sanitizing sun, I ran inside and got my red broom out of the pantry, held it like a baseball bat, and beat the living daylights out of those rugs. It was fun! And I felt very domestic.

But you know what? Those rugs had a whole lot of dust and dirt in them. And I had to beat them long and hard to get them clean. Every time I whacked them with my broom, dust flew everywhere. Then God stopped me and said, "Sometimes, I have to do that with you."

Let me interpret: Sometimes we are just living our lives, speeding right along, and something terrible and painful happens. We don't know why it happens and we don't like it very much. Usually, though, it is these times when we are feeling "beaten" that God is really "cleaning" us. He uses trials, bumps and bruises to show us that we need Him. He allows hardship so that we will run to Him. Sometimes, our hardships are self-inflicted (the younger brother from the Prodigal Son story), sometimes they are allowed by God for reasons we don't understand (Job), and sometimes things just fall flat for no other reason than sin exists in this world. Whatever the reason, though, these "beatings" often have a way of cleansing us and making us a more clear reflection of Jesus.

So...if it is in the beating that I become clean, shouldn't I see these painful times as an opportunity to grow under the tutelage of the Savior? Probably. But that is oh so hard to remember when the going gets tough--which is why it is so important for me to spend time at His feet now--gathering confidence in His character and in His control. Believing that He is Good all the time. Believing that He is God all the time. And believing that He loves me with a love I cannot fathom.

May God teach me to trust Him more and more. I want to be clean like Him.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

1 Peter 4:12-13

God's Hairbrush

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

I have been so stressed lately; so high strung; so concerned about productivity; so tired. So when God spoke these words from Matthew 11 to me today, I felt myself instantly relaxing in His arms.

The words “rest… rest… rest” kept replaying soothingly in my head. It was kind of like God was brushing my hair—so relaxing—does anyone else understand that? Maybe I’m just weird.

Anyway, as God kept brushing, I couldn’t help but think of the times that I work so hard all day. Those are the days I yearn to sit down, to take a break, to be done. Those are the nights that I finally decide to be done, to check that last thing off my list, and to collapse into my comfy, cozy bed…and I just lay there…not moving… just breathing…and I rest…rest…rest.

This rest, so delicious to our bodies, is the type of rest Jesus offers us for our souls. This rest is a taste of what Heaven will be like every day. I am not proposing that we won’t work hard in Heaven; I think we will, but our rest will be sweet and satisfying.

Our rest here on earth, today, can be sweet as well, if we will just allow Jesus to unburden us as we take His lead, share His yoke, and learn from Him. He is gentle and humble in heart. In Him we can find rest for our souls.

Keep brushing Lord Jesus. I’m resting.

My heart and flesh cry out. To You the living God. Your Spirit’s water to my soul. I’ve tasted and I’ve seen. Come once again to me. I will draw near to You.

(From the song ‘Better Is One Day’ by Kutless)

The Rescue

After reading Bill Hybels' book, Descending Into Greatness, I have been consumed with the amazing rescue act of Love that God put into motion when he chose to leave Heaven and become constrained by time and space and hunger and pain and skin. What is man that He is mindful of us?

Hybels helps us catch a vision of Christ's amazing sacrifice in becoming a man. Listen up:

"Once His life on earth began, Jesus never stopped descending.

Omnipotent, He cried;

The owner of all things, He had no home.

The King of Kings, He became a bondservant;

the source of truth, He was found guilty of blasphemy;

the Creator, he was spit on by the creatures;

the giver of life, He was crucified naked on a cross--bleeding, gasping for air.

With His death, the descent was complete--from the pinnacle of praise in the universe to the ultimate debasement and torture on a cross, the innocent victim of human wickedness.

What more can be said? To the world, Christ was the biggest loser, but to God, "Christ became the greatest of the great. He had accomplished totally the purpose for which God had sent Him; He had pleased His Father and advanced God's kingdom on earth."

Amen and Amen.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

Chili Theology

Well, I really, really, really didn't want to clean my house today. But then I remembered "humility" and that I was supposed to be a servant, and I thought, "what a better way to show servitude than to clean up the messy house for my family." So I did. To tell you the truth, though, it wasn't the servant attitude that kept me going all morning long, it was the bagel calling my name at the finish line--my beloved Panera.

That, however, has nothing to do with what I wanted to tell you this fine evening. It just kind of snuck in their for some reason. Here's the little tidbit I intended to share:

The other night, we were going to have chili for the second night in a row and I put the pot on the stove to heat it up. Of course I turned the burner to high; I am impatient and I like to heat my food fast. I then proceeded to get the rest of the meal ready--forgetting that I put the soup on HIGH. And guess what, next thing I know, my soup is boiling--and burning. Because I am proud and I don't like people to say I am a bad cook, I quickly turned the soup off , stirred it up and tried to fish out all the little black specks now floating on the top. Despite my meticulous efforts, I could not get all of the burned pieces and I tried to push them down to the bottom. This didn't work very well. Now painfully aware of the obvious fact that I was a bad and distracted cook tonight (and tonight only...OK, I'm mostly kidding), I ladeled out the soup to my family and said, in my most Julia Child-like, nonchalant way, "Just ignore the burnt spots and enjoy!"

And you know what? They did. And they didn't say anything about how burnt it tasted either. They just spooned it in, as if it were excellent, and enjoyed the pleasant conversation. I was very pleased...and relieved. It was easy for them to ignore the burnt spots--why was I focusing so much of my energy on them? Why couldn't I ignore the burnt spots too?

I find myself acting this way with my own burnt spots. I have lots of imperfections--things I don't do well. I worry about what these burnt spots will say to others, so I try to hide them by pushing them to the bottom and covering them with feigned confidence. What if I stopped trying to cover my weaknesses? What if I just let them float to the top? "That's really me--the authentic, and sometimes not-quite-right, Tori." If I just let my burnt spots give me personality, maybe I could freely engage with others--and not worry about their judgement of me--or my evaluation of them (and their burnt spots) and I would be able to say, in my most Christ-like way, "Let's just ignore the burnt spots and enjoy!"

I think God would like that. Don't you?

" 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Prepare for Descent

God likes to poke fun at us...just a little...once in awhile. I could almost hear Him chuckling last week. Here's why:

I have just started working through a Bible study called "Seeking Him" in which we, on day 5 each week, work through a personal inventory to see how our lives are lining up with Jesus. Last week, as my small group sat together and discussed this portion, I volunteered that I had dutifully completed the individual survey and discovered that I had real problems with humility--especially as it relates to my husband. Thinking I was a pretty humble person, I was shocked at this assessment of myself (I AM JOKING). Anyway, I determined to work on this fault and purposed myself to "not think of myself more highly than I ought".

Fast forward 24 hours. As I began to think about next week's study (which I am leading), I decided to pull out the teaching schedule to see which topic I would be focusing upon. And yep, you guessed it...and God knew it...HUMILITY.

So, painfully remembering my unasked-for admission of ignorance regarding humility to those whom I would be teaching the following week, I decided I had better to get to work on this whole pride thing. BLOW # 1.

Evening; same day as BLOW # 1; We go to the high school to pick up our guest for the next three weeks: a foreign exchange student from Spain. As the bus pulls into the parking lot and all of the Spaniards disembark, the American students rush forth and are greeted with the traditional right/left/right kiss on the cheeks from the foreigners. I see our student greet my daughter this way. I see the other students greeting their "siblings" and "parents" with kisses. So, I go to my student expecting the same, and she thrusts out her palm for a handshake. Embarrassed, I take her hand and wonder at her hesitation. BLOW #2.

Next morning; As I arise, I remember the prayer sent up recently asking God to teach me about humility so I could teach others. Standing in pajamas, looking for a book, any book, with "Humility" or "Pride" in the title (I decided that Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice probably wouldn't cut it), Brent walks in and says, "What are you looking for?" When I told him I was trying to learn about humility, he pulls out a book called Descending Into Greatness and says, "Read it. It will be really good for you." BLOW #3. (It's OK, honey. I know you meant well.)

Today; a rainy day; a good reading day; I sat in my polka-dotted chair by the fireplace and devoured Bill Hybels' Descending Into Greatness in one sitting--a long sitting. Hybels pointed me to the very best book on humility--the Bible--specifically Philippians 2.

In Philippians 2, Paul makes a very persuasive argument for imitation. Not imitation of himself. Not imitation of the world. Imitation of Christ--the perfect humble servant. In this chapter, Paul encourages those in Philippi to act like Jesus. How? By "doing nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit" and " in humility considering others better than themselves."

I plan to read Philippians 2 every day this week. I have a lot to learn from Christ. Jesus, by example, shows us time and time again that moving down is the only way to become great in God's eyes. He must become greater. I must become less.

I still have a lot of descending to do. And I still have to teach on Thursday.

God continues to instruct me..and maybe giggle a little at me. And I continue to learn what is means to "give it all" to become obedient, unwavering, and humble. So...if it's the blows that make me truly "great", #4, I'm ready! Bring it on!

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus; Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness."

Philippians 2:5-7

And I thought I Was the Teacher...

At D6 tonight, where I teach a great bunch of wide-eyed kindergarten students, we had a dilemma. Little Lily didn't want to stay in class. Little Lily wanted to sprint out the open door and find her mommy. Little Lily cried and writhed in my arms as I tried to comfort her and keep her from escaping. Little Lily believed that her mother had made a mistake leaving her in that classroom because everything felt wrong to her. That's what Little Lily thought.

Here's the truth: Lily's mommy loves Lily sooooo much that she allowed Lily to be uncomfortable for a time in a place unfamiliar to her. Lily's mother knew that the Kindergarten D6 would be just right for Lily--a place where she could grow closer to God and fellowship with her friends. Lily's mother would never do anything to hurt Lily and only does what she knows is best for her daughter---even if the best feels like the "worst" to Lily. If Lily really understood how trustworthy her mommy is and how much her mommy loved her (more than Lily can begin to comprehend), she would be able to be at peace with the decisions her mommy makes for her. But Lily is a kindergartener--fearful, immature, and child-like. That's OK for Lily. She will grow and learn that her mother is her protector and the lover of her very soul. She will adjust to changes and learn that not all of them are bad. Life lessons--even hardships--will teach Lily to be strong.

I recognized myself in Little Lily. Sometimes, I too, cry and writhe--trying with all my might to get out of God's grasp. I twist and I squirm until I am sweaty and exhausted--just like Lily was. And, if I see what appears to be an open door to freedom, I try to sprint out so I can be on my own. I believe that God has made a mistake by putting me in an uncomfortable situation because everything feels wrong to me. That's what I think.

Here's the truth: God loves me sooooo much that he allows me to walk through unfamiliar territory sometimes--places where the pathways are broken and the signs are unclear. God allows these uncomfortable, unbearable times because He knows that where He has me is exactly where I need to be. He knows that in that place I will grow weaker in myself, but stronger in Him. God, my Father would never do anything to hurt me. His love for me and His devotion to me are unfathomable! If I really understood this about God and trusted Him fully, I could be at peace anywhere He places me. I am not a child any longer. I know that what God says about Himself is true and that what He says about me is true too; I am precious to Him.

Now I need to make the decision to believe that truth, remember my worth, and begin to rest in His arms.

Thanks, Lily, I needed that.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;

like a weaned child with its mother,

like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Psalm 131:2

Broken Hearts

I met with God at Panera today, as I sometimes do, as a reward for cleaning my house on Monday morning. Today we talked, over a bagel and iced tea, and this is what He showed me in Jeremiah 3:19-20:

"How gladly would I treat you like sons and give you a desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation. I thought you would call me 'Father' and not turn away from following me. But like a woman unfaithful to her husband, so you have been unfaithful to me, O house of Israel, " declared the LORD.

As I read this, an audible cry of sadness escaped my lips and I wanted to weep, but I held it in; I feared creating a scene right there at my little table. Unfallen tears blurred my vision as I captured a glimpse of God's heart for His children...and their hearts for Him. Even now as I write it, I cannot keep from crying. Sadness rips through my soul as I read, "I thought you would call me 'Father'." Oh, Abba! O Abba! I am so sorry we reject You! I'm so sorry that we turn away! I'm so sorry we are unfaithful! You want to give us a beautiful inheritance but we keep running to our own land to make mud pies in the slum. When we have fully covered ourselves in the grime, we come crying to You -expecting You to take us in. And You do. You always do.

Why do You keep on loving, Lord? When we'd rather suffer punishment at Your hands than run into Your arms? Why do You keep on believing, Lord? When we let You down instead of lifting You up?

Lord, my heart breaks; You yearned for 'Father' , but we never spoke Your name. You bent down low to feed us, but we spat upon Your face.

O God, we are so sorry. O God, we are so wrong.

Please bend down once more, Father. Please break in and save us, Daddy. Please forgive us, Abba. Make us faithful once again.

"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you."

Hosea 10:12