Perfect

"From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth."

Psalm 50:2

I love this verse. When I read it today, it stopped me in my tracks. It created the same kind of awe in me that I experience when I see a deer leaping gracefully in the field while I am running with the rising sun. It created the kind of thankfulness in me that overflows every time I see His promised rainbow in the sky. It created the kind of longing in me that aches every time I read about my treasure in Heaven.

God is PERFECT. God is BEAUTIFUL. God shines forth, perfect in beauty...because He is God. And because He can. I love that.

So powerful. So striking. So right. So good. So GOD.

"I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me."

Isaiah 46:9

Admiration

So, I only have a few minutes and I realize that it is July 2oth and I have only posted twice! this month, but here are a few things that have been rolling around in my head:

I just finished To Kill A Mockingbird and loved it! As an avid classics reader, I'm a little embarrassed to say that I had never read it. I fell in love with Atticus, the father, and the way he always thought the best of people--even bad people--by saying, "You know, that's just their way..." He refused to let unwholesome words come out of his mouth when discussing others and I really admire that about him. I want to be more like Atticus.

I have also been reading the book of Esther and am awed by how loosely Esther holds onto her life. When her uncle Mordecai encourages her to go and talk to the king about the planned annihilation of the Jews, she tells him that anyone who approaches the king uninvited could be killed on the spot unless the kings extends his scepter to them. Esther continues to consider her fate and then tells her beloved uncle, "I will go to the King, even though it is against the law. AND IF I PERISH, I PERISH." What a cool testimony of someone who fully trusts God with their very life. I want to be more like Esther.

My dog has been limping and probably needs to have surgery to repair a ligament, so we have been keeping him cooped up in either the porch or his kennel for nearly three weeks now to see if it will heal itself. It is a slow, boring time of possible healing for Neo and he doesn't like it. And he wishes he could run and play, but he can't because we won't let him. But you know what? Even though Neo doesn't understand why we are restricting him (and he probably thinks it is kind of mean) he still loves us the same as always and he trusts that we know what we are doing. Just because he is uncomfortable doesn't make him judge us "unfair". Neo trusts his masters implicitly. I want to be more like Neo.

Most importantly, though, I want to be like Jesus. And being more like Atticus and Esther and Neo will make me resemble Him more. May it be so.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. "

I Thessalonians 5:23-24

WWAJD?

“If I had not felt certain that every additional trial was ordered by infinite love and mercy, I could not have survived my accumulated sufferings.”

Adoniram Judson

This morning, while waiting for a friend, I was listening to a CD of John Piper talking about Adoniram Judson. Adoniram (whom I have nicknamed AJ from now on) was a pioneer missionary to Burma (now called Myanmar) in the early 1800’s. I was so enthralled by the story of his life that I plan to read his biography, To the Golden Shore, just as soon as I can get my hands on it.

Most people, upon hearing Adoniram’s story, would say that AJ was dealt an unfair hand in this life. After choosing to be “all in” for Christ, he had numerous hardships and endured great suffering; his first and second wives died before him (the second one on a voyage back to the United States to treat her disease); many children born to him in his first, second and third marriages died in infancy or childhood, he was wrongly imprisoned and tortured for 19 months and accused of being a spy; his converts were few at the beginning; and his work at translating the New Testament in the Burmese language was tedious and difficult. Such was the life of a missionary in those times. But AJ persevered and continued to die again and again to his desires, his affections, his comforts, and his will.

Because of the life he lived--and the life he gave up-- when he died at age 62, in the 38th year of his ministry, Adoniram Judson left seven thousand Burmese believers behind as a testimony. And then he entered the presence of his Savior and his true home…where he suffers no more.

What struck me most about AJ was this: He totally trusted in the One whom He had chosen. When bad things happened to him, when his life fell to pieces, he was able to say, “If I had not felt certain that every additional trial was ordered by infinite love and mercy, I could not have survived my accumulated sufferings.” He KNEW that God loved him and would only do what was best for him—even if the “best” looked like horror to him.

He really trusted God…I don’t do that.

I worry about the future and about what I would do if something happened to my husband or one of my kids. I refuse to do some things because I am scared of the outcome. I don’t pray, “God, increase my faith” because I think He might take something away from me. How pitiful I am…and how weak my trust in the Almighty God.

If I am to truly be effective in this scary, changing, and lost world, I must hold on to the Truth that is comforting, unchanging, and secure. If I say I want to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone, I MUST TRUST HIM FULLY. I MUST NOT FEAR SUFFERING. For I know that anything he orders is allowed out of an infinite love and perfect mercy. I must make the decision to believe that God is always good.

God is ALWAYS good even when I “feel” like He isn’t.

AJ said another thing which made me stop and examine my heart. As he was speaking on one occasion, a Hindu man exclaimed that the gospel couldn’t possibly be true because a great king would never subject his son to suffering as Jesus endured. AJ quickly took the man aside and said, “You are not a true disciple. A true disciple inquires not whether a fact is true to his own reason, but whether it is in the Book. Your pride has not allowed you to yield to the Divine Testimony.”

Wow.

A true disciple inquires not whether a fact is true to his own reason…my mind…my feelings. A true disciple looks in the book …the Bible…to see if the “fact” is truly true.

Am I just being proud when I determine “rightness” of things based on my feelings? Yes.

Do I need to deny myself and remember that everything I suffer is ordered in Love? Yes.

Do I need lots of grace for this? You bet.

As my old buddy, Oswald Chambers says, "I need to believe God is always the God I know Him to be when I am nearest to Him."

So, next time I am faced with fear that is raw and emotions that tempt me to doubt my Father, I will remember AJ and say “What would AJ do?” And I will do it. So help me God.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

1 Peter 5:10-11

Wounded Healer

For Ryan

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…

Isaiah 49:15-16

Do you see these wounds, my son? The ones on the palms of my hands?

Do you see your name, my son? It is written…with my blood…with my pain…on those wounds on the palms of my hands.

Do you see my Love, my son? It is shown by my suffering…and my death…for His Glory…and your salvation…by those wounds on the palms of my hands.

I have engraved your name—your name!—on the palms of my hands, beloved.

Walk with me now and I will show you that I have not forgotten you. I will show you the wounds on the palms of my hands.

And you can show your love by allowing Me to hold your aching heart, your battered soul…in the wounds on the palms of my hands.

I will set you free…I will be your God. And you will be my child…and your wounds will be…on the palms of my hands.

I love you.

" He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed."

1 Peter 2:24

Extreme Mind Makeover

I have been going through a Bible Study with a friend called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. It is my second time through the study and it has been life changing both times.

Last week, we talked about The Steadfast Mind and about learning to think rightly. Thinking rightly does not come naturally to those born in sin. We must practice this art of deprogramming wrong thinking and reprogramming with God’s Truth.

Satan, our archenemy, does not play fair when it comes to our thinking; he loves to distract and dazzle us with anything that will keep our thoughts from centering on the Truth. He will twist and turn the lies until they sound almost true, and then convince us to believe these fallacies. Our minds become so used to this distraction, to the messages of the world, to our own unbalanced judgments that we don’t even realize we are not “capturing” our thoughts. We think lazily because we are lazy. We don’t hunt down the lies because it’s work. We choose to think and do as world thinks and does because we have become accustomed to taking the low road--not the high one. We actually “like” the wallpaper of lies and potential strongholds in our minds. They feel familiar to us…homey.

Homey is the last thing these lies are if our real home is Heaven. Undisciplined thinking leads us into pits of depression, apathy and pride; what we don’t tame and temper will take control of us. Our unbridled thoughts, because they have power over us, actually become an idol in our lives--an idol we bow to every time we let an unwholesome image, picture, complaint, enter our brains.
These thoughts then, separate us from God and His Truth and keep us imprisoned in the confines of our own sinful selves. God’s power is then diminished in our lives because we keep ignoring Him by our disobedience. If we continue to harden our hearts in these early stages of listening, and we keep putting off what God has told us to do, the less discernment and strength we will have in the next battle of the mind.

So, what can we do about this outlandish, outdated wallpaper that covers the seams in our brain? We can rip it down and put up new stuff—beautiful, wholesome, Godly and gorgeous wallpaper!

Here’s how: First, we need to be aware of what thoughts are running through our heads and hold them up to the Truth of God. Do they measure up? Are they making us more like God or more like the world around us? Are they wholesome? Are they helpful? Do they accurately represent Jesus? If not, we must scour God’s word for direction on our strongholds. Personally, I struggle with a critical spirit and critical thoughts, so as I have started the re-wallpapering process, I have ripped down the old, judgmental thoughts and opinions (and let me tell you, removing old wallpaper is MESSY and SLOW), and replaced it with Truth like Ephesians 4:29 which says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” This is the wallpaper I must look at now, not the old false stuff that comes naturally.

I have copied these “reprogramming” words on note cards that I am trying to carry with me and review—when I am waiting at a stoplight, waiting at the orthodontist, waiting for my kids to come out of youth group—you get the idea. Then, I review, review, review and avoid, avoid, avoid; review my new “wallpaper” and avoid old habits, songs, magazines, friends, that make me yearn for my old ways.

I would compare the process of re-wallpapering to learning a new language—first it is hard and confusing and tedious, but eventually things start to fall into place and you start understanding how to properly communicate. This new language becomes easier, but it is still never as natural as your native tongue.

We must make the deliberate choice to think like God. We must set our minds on things above. We must take captive every thought with the Divine Power God has placed within us.

Are you ready to start re-wallpapering?

Let’s remodel together, shall we?

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Deflation

If you know anything about Mohandas Gandhi, you may recall that he was a peace-filled, tranquil leader in India in the late 1920's through the 40's.What you may not know is that Gandhi was fascinated with the simple spinning wheel.

The wheel, for Gandhi, seemed to symbolize his need to "center" himself--his need to withdraw from public exposure and the limelight. The simple act of returning from his day to his humble dwelling, sitting Indian fashion on the floor, and spinning the wool from which his clothes were made brought proper gravity and peace to his world. The spinning wheel, it seems, restored Gandhi to his proper sense of proportion in his world. At the spinning wheel, the prince became the pauper and royalty became the common man. Pride deflated and peace increased. "The spinning wheel was always a reminder to Gandhi of who he was and what the practical things in life were all about. In engaging in this regular exercise, he was resisting all the forces of his public world that tried to distort who he knew himself to be." (from Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald).

Though Gandhi was by no means a Christian, he was on to something with his spinning wheel. Here is what I think he got right: We need to spend time doing some meaningful activity that brings us back to our humble origins--an activity that makes us think rightly about ourselves and our lives. For me, that activity is spending time with God in His Word. If I spend too much time away from His Word and too little time sitting at His feet, I become unbalanced and uncentered. I fall prey to my own pride and to the false promises of security in this world. These little distractions, these slight diversions, these momentary pleasures become the seductions that capture my soul--the soul that belongs to God. And I become uncentered. And like Gandhi, I need to return to my "spinning wheel" of scripture to restore balance to my life.

I wasn't made for this world and nothing in this world will satisfy me fully. I was made for God. I have given my life to Him. And to return myself to my proper un-inflated proportion, I must center myself by focusing on His Word. Only in doing this will I be able to see I'm really not "all that!" but that my Lord is EVERYTHING!

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."

Romans 12:3-5

Beloved

I read Hosea today, and this passage made me weep.

This is the story of the prodigal Israel, the forgetful Ephraim, and myself...when I choose my own course. God help me to run into Your arms--not away.

When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son.

“Daddy, how much do you love me? Tell me one more time. I want to stay with you for always and forever. You said you’d never leave me right?"

Come to me my beloved son…

But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me.

“Ok. Ok. Yeah, I get it--you love me. But you know, I’m not a kid anymore and I need a little space-- away from you and away from your rules. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

Israel, Israel , I am looking for you…I am longing for you…

They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images.

"Stop pursuing me! Can you hear me? I must get ahead in this world! I will be successful! People will know my name! My time and energy are all spent. I have none left for you. Stop with the 'love’ stuff, OK?"

Why do you give your love and devotion to another, my son? I am all you need. I love you fully.

It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them.

“Enough with this sentimental garbage! So you taught me to walk. What else have you ever done for me? I have gotten where I am by my own hard work! I am the master of my own destiny!"

I was so proud of you when you took your first steps. You walked right to me. I wish you had never walked away…

I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love;

"I keep hearing your voice…and frankly, it’s starting to irritate me. I don’t want your blessings! I don’t want your forgiveness! And most of all, I don’t want your love! I don’t need you."

I will never leave you or forsake you. You are precious to me. I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are my child. My love for you is endless.

I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them.

"Your law is so heavy. Do you really expect me to obey it? It is oppressive! You are oppressive! What did you say? No! I don’t want your help! Do you think I am weak? I don’t want—no, I don’t need-- your food. It makes me feel sick to my stomach."

My law was given to show you how much you need ME. I do expect obedience, but not on your own, my child. Not on your own. I desire to help you, beloved. I want to lift your burden. See, I bend down to you—to your level. I leave my throne and come to you. I want to feed you Wholeness and Truth and Beauty. I want to give you Joy—My Joy. I want to share it with you. And, remember, I will always love you.

Based on Hosea 11:1-4

Close to His Heart

“See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”

Isaiah 40:10-11

As we study the book of Isaiah in church this summer, my eyes have been opened wide to the powerful, amazing, and just God that I serve. It is my heart, however, that has been blown away by His LOVE.

Isaiah, in a nutshell, is a book of judgment and of hope-- judgment of the Israelites for refusing to be the kind of people God created them to be, and hope for the same from their rejected, but still compassionate, Father. Isaiah prophesies in detail what exile and captivity will be like for Judah, but he does not leave them hopeless. God, speaking through Isaiah, also speaks here about their promised salvation—both from the Assyrians and, ultimately, from Satan. I think God figures that if they can see what is to come, they will be able to persevere through the awful stuff that is staring them in the face --kind of like when I run a race and I get really tired, but I keep on going because I know the finish line is right around the corner.

Anyway, as Jeff preached last night, this compassionate side of God became very real in my mind. God starts out Isaiah 40 by saying,

“Comfort, comfort my people…speak tenderly to Jerusalem and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the LORD’s hand double for all her sins.”

Remember that God is talking to the Israelites here—the ones running fast away from Him into the arms of other suitors; the ones fashioning gold, silver, even wood, into idolatrous gods; the ones forgetting the Father who taught them how to walk. God continues to love his chosen ones and want comfort for them when they have chosen to separate themselves from Him. Amazing!

Not only does God comfort his people, He continually fights for them. Jeff explained the verse at the top of this post in this way: With one arm, because He is supremely powerful, He fights off the enemy and destroys those who hurt His children, but at the same time, with the other arm, He gathers His lambs and carries them close to His heart. One arm fighting, one arm gathering—simultaneously serving justice and showing mercy—simultaneously judging and loving. What a picture of my God!

It makes me cry to think of Him like this—carrying me next to His heart. Like the kicking and screaming Israelites, I stiffen and shriek and try to run, yet He leans down to gather me to His heart. He fights off my enemies because He loves me—not because I deserve it. He treats me with gentleness because I am His child. He loves me because He can do no other.

Just Ruler

Powerful Warrior

Tender Shepherd

My Father

My God

My Comforter

My Life.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Hebrews 12: 1-2

Bubble Up

As I was running this morning, sorting through my thoughts and immersed in my ipod accompaniment, I heard the song "JOY " by the group Mary Mary. These are the words that spoke to my mind:

I get joy, joy thinking about
What He's done for me
I get joy, joy thinking about
What He's done for me
It's in my hands, my feet
I'm talking about
What He's done for me
I get joy just thinking about
What He's done for me

And I thought, "Do I get joy just thinking about what He's done for me?"

The real answer to that question is "No".

Why not? Why do I not get joy when I remember all that Christ has done for me? Why do I not get joy when I recognize all that I was saved from? Why do I not get joy when I realize what I am apart from Him? I do not get joy because I am not focused on Him; I am focused on me.

When my problems and my pride make me think my life is too difficult and unfair, and when I choose to focus on my feelings and my rights...then the joy drains out.

When my circumstances determine what attitude I will carry and what kind of day I will have, and when people interrupt my neatly planned schedule of accomplishing much...then the joy drains out.

When I am too busy to "center myself" by sitting with God, talking with Him and letting Him teach me through His Word, and when things become confusing because I haven't put Him first...then the joy drains out.

I want my joy to be overflowing. I don't want my joy to drain out. I want to be Christ-centered, not Tori-centered. I want to be all about Him, not all about me. I want to bubble up with good feelings every time I think about the freedom Christ has given me...about the sweetness He shows me...about the renewed mind I'm thinking with...about the things He has forgiven me of. I can do this by reminding myself everyday--reminding myself who I am and Who He is to me.

He is my Savior and my Lord. He is my JOY.

It makes me happy just thinkin' about it!

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

Colossians 3:1-3

Jars of Treasure

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

2 Corinthians 4:7

Isn't this just the coolest verse? I am so clunky and clumsy and wrong, but God is so beautiful, grace-full, and right. Anything good that shines through this "jar" is most certainly all God, and therefore all glorious. Praise the Lord!

You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

from the song "Everything Glorious" by the David Crowder Band