God is constantly changing the way I think, and this year my
Gentle Schoolmaster has taught me much.
Let me see if I can recall just a few of His lessons…
1. Surrender
When I surrender my plans for my life and agree to live the
life He has given me here and now, I am actually more content. When I give up what I naturally desire,
and deny my own willful ways, I find joy because I have escaped the bondage of
myself. I don’t have to do what I
want because I am freed to do what is right.
2. Identity
When I try to find my identity in anything other than Jesus,
I am anxious and dissatisfied. For
a time, I was a mom of young children who needed me, but when those children
grew and became independent, I became unsettled because my identity had been
placed in motherhood, not in Christ alone. Then I became a runner, and my identity was placed in how
far and how fast I could run. When
my running stopped consuming me, I felt uneasy because if I wasn’t an athlete,
what was I? I then decided that I
would be a writer since I was no longer a young mom or a successful runner, and
this writing, it satisfied me…for a time.
But when I had less opportunity to write, I was constantly anxious
because I was a writer but I wasn’t honing my craft. If I thought of myself as a writer but never wrote, I felt
bad and wrong since I was not doing what I was “made” for. The fault with all of these methods of
“finding myself” lies in the fact that I am made to bring God, not myself, glory. I am not here on earth to find myself. I am here to acclaim the God who saved me. I am here to make His name great. My identity is to be found in Christ,
not in what I do.
3. Focus
The other night, I attended my son’s band concert, and
before it began, while all the instruments were still warming up, chaos and
disorganization reigned. The
clarinets practiced scales while the trombones belted low notes. The drummers practiced paradiddles
(yes, this is a real thing. I am a
former drummer), as the flutes trilled melody. The din of all of them together assaulted my ears. But then, as the conductor took his
place on the podium and as all the eyes focused on him, the unorganized noises
instantly became a beautiful song—with each instrument performing its
appropriate role. Isn’t this how
it is with us? We focus on a
million things and our lives seem confusing and overwhelming. But then, as we learn to keep our eyes
on our Conductor, we begin to play our appropriate role in the Kingdom, and the
very place that God has put us becomes a beautiful melody of praise to Him.
4. Presence
When my oldest son Luke was just a little boy, he loved to
set up armies of plastic green soldiers.
In fact, he spent so much time setting up his army men that he never
played with them. The process
became so important that the fun of having a virtual, plastic battle was
sacrificed. Sometimes I am like
this. I get so caught up planning
the details of my life, or trying to find a way to make a task more efficient
that I forget to be present in the moment. I forget to find joy in the process. I often recall the quote by John Lennon
that warns, “Life is what happens when you are making other plans.” God wants me to live right now, in this
moment. I can plan, but I can’t
ruminate and become anxious about my unknown future. God’s got it.
THIS is the day that the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.
5. Food
Each morning when I go out and feed the pets (a job I
inherited from my new college freshman, Shay), I am reminded of the verse in
Psalm 145, “All creatures look to you to give them their food at the proper time.”
When the animals hear the garage door rise and see me descending down
the hill, they know it is time to eat and that I will give them what they need
for the day. This daily reminder
of their trust in, and total dependence on, me leads me towards my Savior every
time. I often want to grow faster
and understand more deeply the truths of God NOW. The painfully slow process of sanctification is discouraging
to me. But my Father knows what I
need and when I need it. If He
revealed all of His will for me in a torrent, I might become overwhelmed. And if He made me unable to comprehend
any of His precepts, my spirit would be malnourished. He feeds me what I need when I need it. I must trust in that promise. As always, my Father knows best.
He must become greater; I must become less.
John 3:30
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