I Forget to Remember

“When we are afraid, the least we can do is pray to God. But our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His name have an underlying confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the ones who are reliable. Yet our trust is only in God up to a certain point, then we turn back to the elementary panic-stricken prayers of those people who do not even know God. We come to our wits’ end, showing that we don’t have even the slightest amount of confidence in Him or in His sovereign control of the world. To us He seems to be asleep, and we can see nothing but giant, breaking waves on the sea ahead of us.”

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, August 12

Isn’t it true?  Sometimes this “trust” thing only goes so far.  Lately, I have found myself running ahead of God and leaving Him out of my thoughts when I am worried…or angry…or stressed.  It is so easy for me just to go with what comes naturally, and then when things have calmed down to say, “oh, yeah.  I’m a Christ-follower.  I didn’t even consider my actions, or my words, or my thoughts in that situation.  I didn’t even consider what would bring God glory in that.” 

I simply did what seemed right at the time. Scary, huh?

If you asked me, I would say, “You bet! I’m all in!…sold out!…doing this God thing one hundred percent!.  But is that really true?  When God impresses things like ‘trust’ and ‘obedience’ and ‘honor’ on my soul, I say with great enthusiasm, “I want that!”  However, when life gets a little messy and my schedule gets slightly altered, when the doctor calls and says a test was abnormal or when my child keeps having headaches over and over, It is often me I run to. My natural, strong, anxious tendencies go into tooverdrive, and I forget to remember to trust in God. I forget to think before acting because I believe I am in control.  I believe I can solve it. 

I can’t.

How long it is going to take me before running to God becomes my natural default? How long it is going to take to remember He’s got my back?  I want to have full confidence in my Lord and in His sovereign control when the waves start coming at me.  I want my first reaction to be, “How can I bring God glory in this situation?” not “How can I get my way?”

When I’m sitting in church listening, or when I am reading my Bible and letting Him teach, things seem so crystal clear; I am ready to obey.  But when I get out of that pew, or up from my polka-dotted chair, when I start out the door and into the world to begin my day, all those clear things start to blur. My initiative towards devotion becomes an afterthought.

I don’t want it to be like this. 

I want to be one of His reliable ones…one that remembers to trust.  All the time.  Not just when it comes easily. I think my trust probably pleases Him most when it is difficult.

I guess that means I need to keep sitting. and reading. and listening. and practicing with my renewed mind.  I guess that means He isn’t finished with me yet. I guess the realization that I continue to mess up keeps me humble. and helps me to learn patience.  I guess I need to put more of God’s word in my mind and less of my word in my mind.

Maybe then, with lots of practice, I will no longer forget to remember.

In the night I remember your name, O LORD,
   and I will keep your law.

Psalm 119:55