Today was hard for me.
I got up late and skipped my run because it was raining, family breakfast was rushed, my garbage disposal fell off my drain pipe and flooded my under sink cabinet (I found this after cleaning up and putting lots of food down the disposal), one daughter came home from school crying, and the other fought with her brother in the office regarding the volume of her music, the “great” supper I prepared was actually only mediocre, and I got ganged up on in the after-dinner discussion.
It was kind of a bummer of a day. And I kind of want to be bitter about it all. And I kind of want to have a little pity party and say that I have a right to this and to that…but I know I don’t. That’s why I’m writing this—to convince myself that what God says is always better than what I want.
Today in Utmost for His Highest, O.C. says, “Whenever our right becomes the guiding factor of our lives, it dulls our spiritual insight.”
I want wisdom! I want insight! I want to be able to hear His voice! But if I do what feels right to me—claiming my rights, demanding my way—my understanding of His ways will be dulled—cloudy—incomplete. This is the truth.
O.C continues, “but if you are living the life of faith you will exercise your right to waive your rights, and let God make your choice for you. God sometimes allows you to get into a place of testing where your own welfare would be the appropriate thing to consider, if you were not living the life of faith. But if you are, you will joyfully waive your right and allow God to make your choice for you. This is the discipline God uses to transform the natural into the spiritual through obedience to His voice.”
I want to live the life of faith. I want to learn to waive my rights joyfully, not reluctantly. I want to be OK with God making the choice for me. I want God to transform the natural into the spiritual through my obedience to Him.
How do I do this when I’m mad and things don’t make sense?
First, I cry and tell God how I feel (He’s OK with that);
Then I give up control when I most want to take it.
I distance myself from the problem and I spend some time in prayer.
I tell myself the truth and don’t believe my feelings.
I remember how unfairly Christ was treated on the very day He died for me.
I remember how I deserve nothing but have received everything through Jesus.
I decide to do what I tell my kids and others to do—I deny myself, my feelings and I walk the high road of obedience…the difficult road of obedience…the best road.
And I win. Christ can change me when I’m rotten because He is beautiful.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”