Saturday, January 2, 2010

Why I Cried When the Rabbit Died

Ok, here's some background: so...we were in Iowa City on December 16th for a college visit with Luke, our oldest, and our dog got in the house and killed the rabbit. That's where this all originated. That is the non-emotional report, but now I will tell you the rest of the story...sit tight because even I don't know where this is all going to go.

When Brent got off the phone as we were eating in the University of Iowa cafeteria and casually announced that Neo (the dog) had gotten in the house and killed the rabbit, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. I immediately quit eating and told Luke and Brent that I felt sick and needed to find a bathroom. As they cleared our table, I was involuntarily heaving and feeling like I might throw up right there. I did finally make it to the bathroom and exited with a little less lunch. Then Luke and I walked to the car (Brent needed to make a phone call) and I got in the car and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. You would have thought I lost my best friend or my house burned down or something. What was with that? Why did my son's bunny's death bring about such a strong reaction in me? This is what I think: I do love all of our pets and tend to become very attached to them and that, in itself, made me mourn for Wonder the bunny; My heart also broke for 11 year old Cole, whose last bunny had died unexpectedly just 6 months previous. I knew that he would be sad and that made me so sad. And it just seemed wrong--one of our pets killed another one of our pets--I wanted to be mad at Neo, but I knew that he was just acting on instinct; but what I think really brought the tears was this...I realized that things change. Out of the blue, changes come--good and bad--and there is nothing I can do to control that. I was at the college where I would be sending my oldest son in the fall and I realized that (releasing Luke) was really going to happen too and that I would soon be entering into a new season of life whether I liked it or not. Our college visit together, Brent, Luke and I, was supposed to be a happy day, a day of excitement and acticipation, and I felt like this all came raining down on our private parade. It was also Brent's birthday. What a bummer.

So... that's how I see it. I don't really know why the bunny's death sent me into a temporary depression that allowed me to contemplate life, but so be it. Life changes. I can't stop it. Bunnies die. God is still strong enough and I will continue to run to Him.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

Proverbs 18:10

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