Lost and Found

Not having anything inspirational to write about tonight and waiting for my daughters to return from their cross country meet, I have decided to list all of the things of value that my children have lost in the 19 years that I have been a mother. Here they are:

• 1 pair of winter boots (during the winter when the unnamed wore them daily)
• 1 winter coat (lost during a different winter than the above)
• 1 beanie baby elephant named "Beanie" (clever, huh?) with a blue body and orange feet
• 1 multicolored beanie baby bear named "Spumoni" and its multicolored baby bear
• 1 shoe of one pair of tiny Adidas soccer cleats
• 1 pair of heavy duty scissors--to be used only for sewing. Hmmm...has someone been sewing elsewhere?
• 1 doctor prescribed and doctor-priced orthotic insert out of one shoe--the unnamed claimed the neighbor's dog ate said item
• 1 leather wallet containing ID and money
• 1 learner's permit (kind of like a pre-license) in a pair of shorts returned to Target
• 1 very nice watch
• numerous cheap running watches
• 1 pair of black Nike boy's shorts
• 1 pair of black Nike girl's shorts
• 1 black backpack containing silver size 13 track spikes and black track pants
• 1 pair of Cutters leather football lineman gloves--less than one week after they were received as a birthday gift
• 1 pair size 12 women's New Balance running shoes--lost during cross country season when the unnamed was wearing them daily
• numerous pieces of silverware taken to school in lunch boxes, then most likely tossed in the trash
• 2 red Nalgene water bottles
• 1 CD of a 4 disk set of an "Adventures in Odyssey" radio drama borrowed from the library
• 1 black boring lunch box
• 1 cute flower-shaped lunch box
• 1 Ames Track and Field sweatshirt with 'Haverkamp' embroidered on the hood--this was returned too the unnamed two years after its loss
• 1 pair of cool, mom-purchased sunglasses used for hurdling purposes
• 1 necessary scientific calculator purchased as a bargain on ebay for $60.00
• 1 girl's little leather Bible with a pink butterfly on the cover
• 1 girl's little leather Bible with a red ladybug on the cover
• so many socks
• so many mittens
• 1 new leather baseball glove
• one of Mom's running gloves
• lots of Mom's patience

Ok, there. I got it all off my chest. And you know what, though I'm all for respecting property and taking care of your stuff--especially the stuff that your parents bought you with their money...I know that none of these things really matter in the long run. My kids understand that I don't like it when they lose things, but I hope they also understand that the things I value most aren't things at all. I hope they know that my Treasure is in Heaven, and the things of this earth are like trash in comparison to the Glory of that place. And guess what? In Heaven, nothing will be lost--including ourselves. We will be found in Christ. Can you say "Amen"?

" What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ."

Philippians 3:8

Freedom Fence

When my older kids were little and we lived in town, our home was situated just one house away from a busy street. On beautiful spring and summer days and sometimes even on wintry ones, Luke and Tess would beg me (Shay couldn't talk yet) to let them go outside to play. I loved to have them play in the backyard, but I also had to accomplish things inside the house. And since I didn't trust their preschool judgments regarding traffic, I rarely let them play outside unattended. Therefore, there was always the dilemma of them wanting to be outside longer then I wanted to watch them.

I knew a fence--a chain link fence with a childproof gate--would solve my problem. I also knew this solution would be a costly one. So, after one particularly pleasant evening, as Brent and I watched the children playing happily in the backyard, I broached the subject of "The Fence". Knowing that Brent made decisions according to logic, I laid out my proposal in a very systematic, non-emotional manner. And to my surprise, after some discussion about cost and sacrifice, my proposal was accepted! I was thrilled!

My friend, "The Fence", was installed within a matter of weeks (after getting approval from the neighbors on either side and behind us). It was beautiful and shiny and it wrapped around my entire long backyard. It made me smile just to look at it.

Now, on any day--sunny, rainy, windy, cold--Luke and Tess, and sometimes one year old Shay, could wander out to the screened porch, shimmy through the punched out screen in the bottom of the door, and make their way--unattended!--into the wide world of backyard wonder!

I didn't have to watch them every single minute! They had limits to their freedom and they were safe--maybe not from each other--but at least from the road. When they stayed within the confines of "The Fence", they were happy, I was happy, and no one had to fear danger or punishment. What a wonderful barrier!

Instead of curtailing their childish curiosity, "The Fence" actually gave them more freedom to do what they wanted...where they wanted...when they wanted---just as long as they stayed within in it's bounds. The boundary of "The Fence" let them know exactly how far they could go in their explorations before they got in trouble. The boundary of "The Fence" gave them (and me) a sense of security and protection. The boundary of "The Fence" let them know that everything within it's borders was "good" and OK for them. The boundary became their blessing because it fully explained their freedoms and kept them from dangerous situations. They never thought of the fence as bad or restrictive because they so enjoyed their increased freedom within it.

Isn't that what God does for us? He lays out the rules for us in the Bible. He tells us how far is too far. He show us how to curtail our anger or our passion or our appetites with His Power and His Word before they get us into trouble. He shows us how to stay within His Will and under His Authority. He tells us if we "go it on our own" the devil can "run us down" with his schemes.

God gives us boundaries because He loves us. He gives us boundaries so we can run free without getting hurt. And He gives us boundaries because He can bless us within them. Within His boundaries we can enjoy security and safety.

Without these "fences", we act like foolish preschoolers and we run into the road of self destruction. We go too far because we don't know how far we can go.

These boundaries are set in place by love and sacrifice. It cost God His Son to give us His Spirit. Now that's an expensive fence!

So...next time the Word convicts you or you get a check in your spirit that says, "Don't go there", stop. Step back in. And give thanks for the "Fence" of Freedom.

"When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slave to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

Romans 6:20-22

Beautiful Through Me

Since I don't have any original thoughts today, and since I haven't posted for nearly a week, I thought I would steal a little thunder from my buddy, O.C.

In Utmost for His Highest today, Mr. Chambers states,

"Jesus did not say, 'He who believes in Me will realize all the blessings of the fullness of God,' but, in essence, 'He who believes in Me will have everything he receives escape out of him.' Our Lord's teaching was always anti-self-realization. His purpose is not the development of a person--His purpose is to make a person exactly like Himself, and the Son of God is characterized by self-expenditure."

So...I guess this means that what I learned about Carl Jung's "self-actualization" in high school psychology class is just a bunch of bunk (you can thank my father for that phrase). Jung said, if I remember it right, basically, the goal of one's life is to fully realize the self--that is the highest plane of existence..."self-actualization". But, as Christ-followers, we must disagree with this premise. As Christ-followers, we are called to be "broken bread and poured out wine".

Am I there yet?

Do I truly live for God's glory, having no need to become successful, or talented, or esteemed?

Do I, like Mary of Bethany, who broke the flask of costly perfume and poured it upon Jesus' head, do my acts of service...or love...or mercy out of pure devotion? And not because I crave the affirmation and approval of man? Or if my acts aren't received approvingly (as was the case for Mary), do I worry what others will think?

Am I bound to a particular set of social rules or am I totally surrendered to Jesus? If I am "all in", then I need not worry if the world finds me peculiar. If I am "all in", I will be drawing attention to my Father and not to myself. If I am "all in", I won't be seeking my own satisfaction--my own self-actualization--I will be seeking to hide myself in Jesus. Only then will I be truly satisfied.

God's goal is not to make me beautiful. God's goal is to make Himself beautiful through me.

"Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

John 7:38

The Word on Worrying

I have been thinking a lot about worrying lately. I really haven't been worrying, I've just been mulling over the fact of why I do it sometimes. Scripture says that true love casts out all fear, and I believe that I do truly love my Lord, so why am I fearful sometimes? Why do I allow anxiousness to take over? Is my true love false?

Here's what I found out: The greek word for "care" is merimna. The root word of merimna is merizo, and merizo means 'to draw in different directions, distract; associated with anxious care or anxiety'. This word is used in the Parable of the Sower (Matt 13:22; Mark 4:19; Luke 8:14) when describing the seed sown among the thorns, "The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries (merimna) of this life...choke it, making it unfruitful."

Here is what I learned: When I worry about things, I am allowing my mind to be divided--or drawn in different directions. When I worry, I am focusing on many things--just not the right thing--My Lord and my Savior.

"I hate double-minded men, but I love your law" Psalm 119:113

When I worry, I take responsibility, robbing God of His power and His peace. Worrying also shows God that I am not really grateful for --or trusting in--his Divine Sovereignty. I need to be thankful that He's "got my back" not doubtful of His goodness.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

When I worry, I "choke" God, and His Word, out of my life. Not only does my worrying prevent me from fully listening to God's instructions, it makes me feel powerless to carry them out. Worrying never gains, it only drains. Spending time with God in His Word always grows me and equips me. The Word is always valuable.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

Here's my application: Hang with me here for a second; Once upon a time, many moons ago, we had this weird rubber fish on a plaque that sang and kind of flopped around when you pushed a button on the wood part. Here's the one valuable thing I gained from that ridiculous item--it sang a song of truth (with a slight Jamaican accent). The fish sang, "Don't worry. Be happy" over and over and over again. And as I think back to that flopping, singing Bass, I think that God would agree. We don't have to worry. We can be happy. He's takin' care of EVERYTHING.

No problem...He's got you covered. Now that's something to sing about!

"I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me."

Psalm 13:6

Tickle His Heart

Last night as I was climbing into bed for the night, Luke called me. He didn't call me because he wanted anything. He didn't call me because he was troubled. He called me simply because he was happy. He had a good day and he wanted to share his joy. I was honored to be the one with whom he chose to share. His choice to share this gratitude with me loved me, and in turn brought me joy.

And I got to thinking, shouldn't we be more like this with God our Father?

Most of the time I pray because I need something that He can give me--security, peace, wisdom, safety, patience, or discernment. And this is OK because God wants us to seek Him when we need direction. But wouldn't it honor God, wouldn't it just tickle Him, if I would also go to Him when I am happy? Or when I am just bubbling over with gratitude for all my blessings? Wouldn't He be honored if I ran to Him first--with no other intention than to spill my happy heart? I think it brings Him joy when we are joyful--after all, we are His children and He came that we might have abundant life.

I want to give God joy.

I want to run to Him and share my happiness.

I want to show Him a thankful heart.

Because I am blessed. And Because He is the Blesser.

And because He deserves my joy.

Worship the LORD with gladness;

Come before him with joyful songs.

Psalm 100:2

The Launching

OK, so besides giving birth to the kid, that was one of the hardest things I've done as a parent--leaving my first-born son in a dorm room, by himself, far away...from me.

I had decided not to cry when I was with Luke because I know he thinks that crying is kind of weird and superfluous, but as Brent hugged him good-bye and it was my turn to love on him, I kind of lost it, and the emotions rushed out on their own accord. I was able to pull it together in the end and hug him again without tears so that he wouldn't think I was a total, blubbering loser, but as I left the room and walked down the hall, I had to put on my sunglasses--if you know what I mean--and I got a very gentle, knowing glance from a fatherly-looking man coming down the hall towards me.

And it got me to thinking; I really don't remember that I cared a lot about my parent's feelings when they dropped me off at college so many years ago. In fact, I don't think I ever really internalized that my parents had feelings at all. I was so exhilarated with the fact that freedom was finally mine, that I never gave it a thought that my parents could be suffering--even just a little bit (OK, I'll admit it. I was a pain in the butt as a teenager and maybe they were just relieved). At that point in my life, I was fairly self-absorbed and life revolved around me and my new experiences. And as a college student, I think, to some extent, that self-focus is OK, since college life is often remarkably free of "real responsibilities"--a time when you can chase your dreams and pursue your goals. College is supposed to kind of be "all about you"--within reason.

I loved college. I discovered who I really was in college. I grew in maturity in college. I hope Luke can do this too.

So as you are sitting and reading these last few posts and saying, "Speaking of self-focused, I think she is becoming rather inward...", let me assure you that I know I need to broaden my focus and look outward and Upward. My help and my security comes from the Lord and not from me controlling my circumstances. And I am learning to be content. Bear with me. And pray for me. I need it.

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:11-13

Time Wins

So here I sit...struggling against all the changes that my life is throwing at me. It doesn't matter how much I struggle, though, my foolish kicking and screaming don't make one iota of difference to TIME--which marches on. I read an article in Scientific American while I was on vacation and it said something like, "scientists are now discussing if the dimension of "time" really exists at all..." The article was interesting and all, but come on folks, TIME exists! I can see it in my graying hair and my kid's too-short jeans. I can see it when my babies turn into teenagers in the blink of an eye. And I can see it when I remember how things used to be--and long for it to be that way again. Here's what I am talking about:

• No one had to buy crayons or markers or any fun little-kid stuff for school this year--just grown up, boring, un-fun school supplies....
• No one really "plays" outside anymore; they might lay on the hammock or ride their bike to a friend's house, but my days of sitting in my Adirondack chair and watching them play on the swingset are over... "Look, Mom! I can touch the the tree with my toes!"
• When I go to Target or Walmart to do errands, I don't have a whole gaggle of kids following me--in fact, more often than not, I am alone...
• And the biggie...Luke leaves for college TOMORROW and I will be setting out five--not six--places at the dinner table every night--until I set out 4, then 3, then 2....

My family is growing up and I don't like it.

My kids are turning into young adults and I don't like it.

I REALLY liked all the little kid stuff like doing the Library Reading Program in the Summer and having dirty tired kids who played all together on the swingset after eating supper on the porch. I liked reading books to them and drawing pictures on their lunch sacks, and I even liked watching Arthur in the afternoons after school while they thought I was working in the kitchen.

I REALLY loved having little kids!

And I really love the ages my kids are now!

Does that sound contradictory? I guess what I am saying is that I have thoroughly enjoyed my kid's childhoods and the role of "Mom" is a comfy, cozy place for me. I want things to be static, but at the same time, I want my kids to enjoy all the dynamic, life-changing, growth-producing stages that I experienced. I can't have it both ways.

TIME seems to be the winner in this game, so I'm thinking maybe I should stop pouting. And start enjoying all that this stage of life has to offer.

But...just for now, I think I'll cry a little. Tomorrow will be a new day.

"One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14

Closed Due to Flooding

Sorry for the inconvenience, but this blog has been temporarily closed because of flooding:

• Flooding of my basement because of too much rain--ruining my new wood floor
• Flooding of my time doing loads and loads of backpacking and flood laundry
• Flooding of my energy staying up late scrubbing the sludge out of my basement tile and putting rooms back together
• Flooding of my internet access (due to my almost two week vacation in the remote back-country and my weekend at the lake--from which I just returned)
• Flooding of my emotions as I realize that my oldest son leaves our home in exactly 5 days
• Flooding of my tears as I say goodbye to wonderful neighbors who are moving away
• Flooding of my grip as I realize that I am not the one who is in control ...

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2

Hiking to Heaven

So....we leave for Alaska in the morning, but I wanted to share with you something I have observed these last few weeks. I have noticed something wonderful in my family as we prepare to go on our 4th annual summer backpacking adventure. Here it is:

Going on a backpacking trip is a LOT of work--and this year that work is compounded by the fact that we are flying to our destination. But because we all love, love, love to go hiking, the work doesn't seem burdensome at all. In fact, it seems exciting and fun! I don't think that I have heard one complaint from any of the family members when I asked them to plan a menu...or dehydrate pounds and pounds of fruit, vegetables, or meat...or set out the tents and check for holes...or find the trowel (for you-know-what)--hey you either bury it or pack it out--which would you choose?...or check the water filter to make sure it filters. (OK--well, maybe I complained a little when I bought the wrong batteries for the GPS--give me a break--I was exhausted from my 3rd trip to Target). We so love the goal--hiking together in God's beautiful creation--that the way to get there seems not wearisome, but enjoyable!

Shouldn't we all be more like this when we think about preparing ourselves for our real and permanent home--Heaven? Shouldn't our infatuation with the dream--the reality of someday meeting Him--OUR FATHER-- make us giddy with excitement and anticipation? All of this training ourselves to think rightly and lining our lives up with the Word--all of this denying ourselves and looking to Him--shouldn't this give us just a little shiver of longing when we realize what all of our "preparation" is for? Sure it is hard and tiring and sometimes you just want to stop and be done cause it seems like you will never be fully ready, but if you stick with it and you keep on "carrying your pack", you WILL see your mountaintop...your goal... your JESUS!

The good stuff is yet to come, so keep on keepin' on. Don't let the many tasks in front of you get you down. Your final goal is within reach. Look UP!

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

John 14:2-4

Hanging and Hoping

"...but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Beth Moore helped me understand something today. I think you will all be able to relate to her word picture. Here what she said on the last day of my Breaking Free Bible study:

"When my children were little, if they couldn't get me to stop and play with them, they would hold on to my waist and wrap their legs around one of mine. I'd whistle, go about my business, and say, 'I wonder what [my girls] are doing right now?' They would laugh hysterically. My heart never failed to be overwhelmed with love, because I realized that their favorite game was to hang onto me!"

"To 'hope in the Lord' is to do with God exactly what my children did with me! To wrap ourselves around Him as tightly as we can. Why does Isaiah 40:31 present the concept of binding ourselves to God in context with being weary and faint? Think about the illustration of the game my children and I played. Who did most of the work? I did! what was their part in the game? Binding themselves to me and hanging on tight. Do you see the parallel? When we start feeling weary, like stepping out of the way for awhile, we're probably taking on too much of the battle ourselves.

"You'll never be more beautiful to God than when He can look down and see you hanging on to Him for dear life!"

Isn't that the coolest analogy! I am picturing myself, right now, hanging on to God's legs tightly. My only job is to hold on with all my might--to intertwine myself with Him. His only job is to take care of everything else. I think I have the better deal.

And if I am hanging onto my Lord with both hands, I can't reach out for all the charms this world has to offer. Isaiah 40:31 says if I bind to Him tightly, I will soar with Him freely.

I want to put my hope in Him,

He is so worth hoping in!