Monday, September 30, 2013


I am a wrestler.  Betcha didn’t know.

Yep.  I wrestle with God and the way He wants to run my life.

I wrestle often.  I rarely win.

I wrestle with God on how to use my time.  I wrestle with Him on how to think about people.  I wrestle with Him about my present circumstances.  I wrestle with Him about glory.


And all this wrestling really shows is that I have not fully turned over my rights to myself and my life to my God. Because I think I am entitled to ease and happiness.

But God never promised me those things.  He never promised me that if I followed Him things would be carefree and convenient. 

All He promised was Himself.  This promise is more than enough since He already provided all that I would ever need for life and godliness through His death and resurrection.  There is nothing that I need or don’t have.  There is no part of His Spirit that I will get in the future. He has already given it all to me. 

Yet, still I wrestle and I whine.  I care more about my ego than His glory.  I care more about my routine than His righteousness.  In my tiny little mind, I believe that I know better than the Creator of the Universe.  I believe that if I wrestle, I may overpower Him and my life would be my own to run.

This, of course, is foolishness.  I know this.

But I continue to egg Him on, my tiny voice taunting.  And He continues to humor me with cords of loving kindness.  He tolerates my struggle, my kicking, my screaming, all the while knowing that He, indeed, does know what’s right for me.  He wants to give me His best.

Only He knows what that is.

If I would just relax my defensive stance, watching for Him to move, and if I would just rest in His judgments, I would be completely satisfied. 

Completely satisfied.

And if I would look up and see His face, I would be completely amazed by the stunning beauty of my Lord. 

The stunning beauty of my Lord.

Because it is only in my Savior that I am made whole.  It is only in my Savior that I can give up my rights and be made completely free.

I’m thinkin’ I should retire from wrestling.

And instead, I should take up resting.

In the shelter of the Most High with the Almighty God as my leader, not my opponent.

Won’t you join me?

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalm 91:1

1 comment:

  1. What you have written here would totally describe me, Tori. I am with you! I would add that pride and a wanna-be-in-control spirit gets in the way of my asking God to help me stop wrestling and rest.
    2 Thessalonians 2:16 May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal encouragement and good hope by grace, 17 encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good work and word.