Friday, March 2, 2012

Why don’t we?

I have the most faithful readers in the world.  Without your questions, this series would be null, void, nothing, nil, nix, nada,  naught, zero, zilch, zip, zippo (I got all of those from –pretty snazzy, huh?). 

So…I’m glad you love me, or at least you feel sorry for me…and that you keep asking me questions because we all know that I am highly qualified in this capacity. 

And you all must be pretty gullible too.

Here we go!

Kim from, writes:

I have a question for you. Why did the matronly lady at Kohls seem so appalled that my son was in full out superhero attire? Does she not understand the value of superheros in our lives? And would it have been appropriate to smack her? Cuz that's what I wanted to do.

Dear Kim,

Maybe the matronly Kohl’s lady always secretly wanted to be the Bionic Woman or Elastigirl from the Incredibles, but maybe in the last several years, things have been stressful working in the women’s section, and maybe she has been going home every night feeling depressed, so maybe she just sits on the couch and watches old Wonder Woman reruns wishing she was Lynda Carter and eating Moose Tracks ice cream.  So, maybe, when your son appeared in his full superhero regalia, it brought out all of her old feelings of regret in never taking Tae kwon do so that she could become a female super hero, and just maybe this regret masqueraded as bitterness at your son obviously realizing his dreams and living them out at such a young age.  She probably fully understands the value of super heros in our lives, but was too trapped by her bitterness of her lack of get up and go to show her true feelings.  She was probably hurting, Kim, and remember, hurt people hurt people.  So, in answer to your question of smacking, no, I think that smacking her would have been a bad idea as it would  probably have fatally crippled her obviously damaged psyche and removed all spunk from her sad, matronly heart.  Maybe next time you go to Kohl’s, you should seek her out and give her a hug or a friendly little punch in the shoulder.  And maybe you should make her a cape to help her re-ignite her dreams.

That’s all the wisdom I have for you today.  Ask me anything—preferably human interest related.  Do not ask me anything about math, cars, or politics, because it you do, I will have to lie to you so it sounds like I know what I am talking about.

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