Self-portrait

I have four kids, each born two years apart, two boys and two girls.  We celebrate birthdays two times a year with the two olders in September and the two youngers in March. Each child has a four letter, one syllable name that is easy to sound out and spell. I sit in my polka dotted chair most mornings and read My Utmost for His Highest first, then I work through my Bible reading plan very sequentially (this is after I have fixed a green smoothie which I force myself to drink even if it tastes like green peppers which I forgot to remove from last night’s salad before I put it in the blender). I clean my house every Monday morning and then go to Panera for a whole grain bagel and a diet coke as a reward for my drudgery.  I wash my family’s sheets every other week (I write it on the calendar) whether I want to or not and we eat our supper at 6:30 every night on unmatched Fiesta ware. Before I go to bed, I faithfully wash my face and apply all the prescribed anti-aging Mary Kay products in order—even if I just want to crawl into my clean flannel sheets and skip it.  I like to know where everything is all the time, and I start to feel panicky if my closets get out of order or if I gather too much stuff.  If I buy something that I decide I don’t like, I feel the need to rush back to the store and return it right away. I can’t leave my house for a morning unless my kitchen is clean, or for vacation unless everything is clean.  I organize my socks into dressy and sport and my clothes by color and type.  I clean my stainless appliances several times a day because they drive me crazy and I apply Frontline to my dog every month from April to October just like I’m supposed to.  I love structure and sameness.  I never rearrange my furniture or switch purses.  I don’t even decorate very much for holidays because it creates change.  I don’t like change.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t display so many OCD tendencies…as you can see in this previous post.  And sometimes I wish I was one of those spontaneous free spirited folks who can laugh at a mess and go on.  But I’m not.  I wish I were someone who could take risks and call them adventures, but really I’m pretty boring and I like just sitting in my polka dotted chair.  Sometimes I think, “Wow.  God could really use me if I were like that”.  But you know what?  I think God is strong enough to accomplish His purposes through my little idiosyncrasies, and I  don’t think I am limiting Him by being who I am. He has created each one of His children differently and uniquely—for purposes that only He knows.  And He has prepared, in advance, good works for us to do. If I could just focus on Him, and stop focusing on trying to be someone that I am not, I have a feeling that He would bring about a satisfaction with myself—not apathy, not pride—but contentment—that would enable me to see the very specific things He has for me—me specifically—OCD me—and not someone else. 

It’s OK to like myself.  God likes me and is satisfied with who He created.  And it’s my role to accept my make and model.  I’ll put that on my list ( just so I can check it off, of course).

Work on your weaknesses

Revel in your gifts

Enjoy God’s grace

Be yourself.

 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10