The Launching

OK, so besides giving birth to the kid, that was one of the hardest things I've done as a parent--leaving my first-born son in a dorm room, by himself, far away...from me.

I had decided not to cry when I was with Luke because I know he thinks that crying is kind of weird and superfluous, but as Brent hugged him good-bye and it was my turn to love on him, I kind of lost it, and the emotions rushed out on their own accord. I was able to pull it together in the end and hug him again without tears so that he wouldn't think I was a total, blubbering loser, but as I left the room and walked down the hall, I had to put on my sunglasses--if you know what I mean--and I got a very gentle, knowing glance from a fatherly-looking man coming down the hall towards me.

And it got me to thinking; I really don't remember that I cared a lot about my parent's feelings when they dropped me off at college so many years ago. In fact, I don't think I ever really internalized that my parents had feelings at all. I was so exhilarated with the fact that freedom was finally mine, that I never gave it a thought that my parents could be suffering--even just a little bit (OK, I'll admit it. I was a pain in the butt as a teenager and maybe they were just relieved). At that point in my life, I was fairly self-absorbed and life revolved around me and my new experiences. And as a college student, I think, to some extent, that self-focus is OK, since college life is often remarkably free of "real responsibilities"--a time when you can chase your dreams and pursue your goals. College is supposed to kind of be "all about you"--within reason.

I loved college. I discovered who I really was in college. I grew in maturity in college. I hope Luke can do this too.

So as you are sitting and reading these last few posts and saying, "Speaking of self-focused, I think she is becoming rather inward...", let me assure you that I know I need to broaden my focus and look outward and Upward. My help and my security comes from the Lord and not from me controlling my circumstances. And I am learning to be content. Bear with me. And pray for me. I need it.

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:11-13