I read John 14 late last week and for some reason, God kept bringing this verse into my head. I said, "OK, God, I don't think that my heart is troubled, but I will remember that." But for the rest of the week it haunted me. I couldn't get it out of my mind.
I thought maybe God didn't want me to be nervous about Luke's upcoming Man Trip to hike in the Colorado mountains, so I told God that Luke was His, and I really have had much peace about the trip. I decided to trust since Jesus said I should.
Then I thought maybe I wasn't supposed to worry when my kids got sick with a strange never-ending virus. I decided He loved them more than I did and that He was the Great Physician.
But, finally, I thought, "Now I understand" when my Mom and Dad brought a flustered Cole home from a little outing and they told me he had collapsed (He's OK now, but we still don't know why he fainted). For crying out loud, he's a 12 year old boy--little boys don't pass out!!! This time, I REALLY wanted to worry and think about all the uneasy possibilities in my mind, but Jesus commanded me, "Do not let your hearts be troubled." It was a choice I had to make to be obedient--to be "all in" for Him. I made it and decided to let God decide the future.
Today, though, I've decided that the real reason God kept bringing that verse to mind was to show me that I wasn't really trusting Him with EVERYTHING. Today I took a very sick Brent into the Emergency Room at 4:30 a.m. He was burning with fever, shaking uncontrollably, and vomiting all the way to the hospital. And I didn't know what was wrong with him. I was so scared and my heart was truly troubled. I was allowing the building anxiousness to trouble my heart and I didn't know how to take control of the panic --the panic I had so logically set aside in my previous few challenges. How could I trust God with this rock of a man, my leader, my love? How could I give up control and let him get sicker?!! I had to do something, so I rushed him to the doctor--and that was a good decision--but I was determined that he would get well right away. The doctor would treat him and we would head home before the kids went to school. Everything would be fine.
But it wasn't. Brent was in pain. Brent's fever was climbing. Brent had pneumonia! Brent had to be admitted to the hospital, and he's still there now. It's scary for me to have my stability removed from me.
As I sat on a bench outside the hospital tonight, waiting for the valet to retrieve my car, I felt very alone. And then the verse came bounding into my head, "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." I felt alone because I didn't trust that God could take care of this situation. I really didn't believe He had things under control. But, He does you know.
So...I have decided to not let my heart be troubled. I have decided to do what Jesus said and trust in Him and trust in His Father. After all, why shouldn't I? I have seen how he has carried me in the past. Why shouldn't I trust He will do the same with me in the future? Even the uncertain future. I don't want to be like the forgetful, ungrateful Israelites who, within one generation, forgot that God parted the sea for them. Oswald Chambers speaks Truth when he says "God will cause us to 'dwell in prosperity,' keeping us at ease, even in the midst of tribulation, misunderstanding, and slander, if our 'life is hidden with Christ in God.' We rob ourselves of the miraculous, revealed truth of this abiding companionship with God."
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."
"God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."
Today I committed to make God my REFUGE, my STRENGTH and my HELP--not just sometimes, but all times. Let's trust Him together.
Do not let your hearts be troubled.