Oh, So Broken

My oldest sister Teri is going through a really difficult time lately and God has put a road before her that is difficult to walk--and she doesn't want to walk it, but she must. This fact grieves my soul.

Yesterday, I talked to God about His direction for her life. I told him what I thought should happen and how I thought he should have everyone act and think and respond. I told him what he should do because I was "oh, so wise". But God, in his gentle, sweet way, stopped me and said, with nothing but love in his heart, "Tori, you're not the boss."

And it made me cry. And I wrote this in my journal:


"God, I realize that I can't see the big picture. And I realize that you know what is best. But I cry and I grieve because I think I know what is best. I think I know what you would want. But, I don't know.

And I will not presume to know better than you. I am finite. You are infinite. I am broken. You are victorious. I am sad because life hurts sometimes and things that don't make sense sting deep.

Forgive me for my presumed wisdom in this situation. Forgive me for thinking that my way would be best. You are ALWAYS right and you are ALWAYS good. You are ALWAYS. I am your child and I will trust your judgment not my own.

Your will be done, not mine.

This prayer flowed from me not because I was "oh, so wise' but because I was "oh, so broken," and "oh, so prideful". I needed to pray this prayer to put me back in the place I belonged--under God's authority--not under Tori's authority.

It is so easy for us to think we can see the best path. We can only see the trail in front of us---God sees the whole map of our lives.

Let us not presume to know what is best. And let us not assume that bad things are a suprise to God. He is working out everything according to His plan--not ours.

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me."

Psalm 131:2