Wow. It has been a whole week since I last posted. Sorry. I haven’t really been that busy, just lazy and unmotivated. Sometimes I’m like that you know.
A memory popped into my head yesterday. One time, when my kids were young, and I was trying to figure out the logistics of how to grocery shop with both a baby and a toddler, a funny thing happened. Imagine that. Anyway, I was about halfway through my shopping trip with the baby seat clipped to the front of the cart and the toddler ensconced inside the cart (I always thought shopping carts with a side car would be an ingenious invention), and I was piling groceries upon the innocent toddler. As I was coming to the end of the cereal isle—Luke—or whomever the child was in the cart—I’m sure I knew who it was then—even in my sleep deprived state—said, “Mommy, stop! I can’t feel my legs!” And as I looked around the baby seat to the voice on the other side, I saw some little eyes peeking out from the lunch meat, the string cheese, and the Toasty O’s. Not only had I covered his legs, but his whole body was hidden in next week’s menu—poor kid. It’s one thing to have a bag of pretzels on your lap…but a whole other trauma to experience an edible avalanche while sitting in a metal cart at Fareway.
I think that the reason God allowed that funny memory to surface is because He was showing me how grace-filled He is. Here’s how I know that: Tuesday I was watching a Beth Moore video in my Bible study and she said some things that made me realize that I was being hypocritical and apathetic in some of my attitudes . I had been allowing some ugliness in my life that was offensive to God, but unnoticed by me. Sometimes God shows me things that I don’t like—things that don’t reflect Him accurately—and tells me that if I want to be completely obedient to Him, I need to start thinking rightly, get rid of my selfishness…or laziness…or callousness…and shape up. I’m so glad He does this for me; though the process is often messy and difficult, through it all, He is making me into the Tori he intends me to be. And I’m so glad He does it little by little, year by year, decade by decade, because if He had chosen to throw an awareness of all my ugliness, all my wickedness, on me the first day I decided to follow Him, I would have been overwhelmed with how very very unworthy I was…and I think I might have given up right then and there. But God, because He is a sweet and tender Savior, chooses to give me just a little at time, so I can work on it over the course of my life—instead of trying to turn around 180 degrees all at once. He does this because He is a wise Father and He knows how very weak we are; He understands that if He throws all the “groceries” of our moral depravity on us at once that we would drown in self-pity and lose our spiritual legs in the process—pretty nifty analogy, huh?
It’s true. And I am still learning every day how to be more like Him. And He is still ever patient--allowing me to feel my legs. And I am ever grateful for His mercy.
I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.
Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.
I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.