Thursday, March 17, 2011

Bombs and Bubbles

As a child I had two great fears; bombs and bubbles.

Bombs, because I grew up in the midst of the cold war when schoolchildren had just as many “duck and cover” bomb practices as fire drills, and bubbles, because I heard my parents talking about my Uncle Virgil who had a heart attack, and Virgil had said that right before his attack, he felt like he had bubbles in his throat.

So there you have it.

I spent a lot of brain power on both of these illogical and far-fetched possibilities because I didn’t know that they were far-fetched and illogical. I just thought they were scary because they were beyond my control: every time a plane flew over my head just a little too loudly, I mentally prepared myself to be blown to pieces; and if I drank coca cola a little too fast, I felt the lethal bubbles forming. Now you may think this strange, but it was serious business for me—this staying alive.

As an adult, I have overcome these fears, but I have replaced them with other scary things—more things out of my control. I’m scared that Brent might get sick. I’m scared that my children might be in an accident. I’m scared that I might be unproductive. I’m scared people might not like me.

I think these fears of mine look silly to God. He assures me that He’s in control. He says if I will trust Him, I will have peace. He says when I insist on anxiety, I am stubborn and foolish. When I live my life acting as if He isn’t in control, I cannot rest in Him. But He commands that I rest in Him. Why do I -–with my puny life--struggle against the Creator of the Universe? Because I don’t see my fears as illogical; and I don’t understand that HE is truly in control-- that He wants what’s best for me. I don’t really trust Him.

But I want to.

The Israelites had trouble with this concept too. They kept thinking they could do as they wanted. They kept forgetting that God was in charge. Here’s what I read in Isaiah 48 today:

This is what the LORD says—
   your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the LORD your God,
   who teaches you what is best for you,
   who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands,
   your peace would have been like a river,
   your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
(Isaiah 48:17,18)

I want rivers, not bombs; waves, not bubbles; trust, not fear; calm, not chaos.

I want what’s best for me. Teach on, Lord Jesus, teach on.

1 comment:

  1. I love reading your blog each day!! I love how you find meaning in everything