Hey girlfriends!
Want to improve your marriage and like your husband again?
This week, I will be posting a series of blog posts on re-directing
your heart towards your mate. Read
them with an open mind, asking God to show you where you fall short, and complete
the challenge at the end of each day.
Hopefully, with a lot of prayer and a little right thinking, you will be
able to discover the joy of your marriage all over again.
Let’s start with the basics.
Having a good marriage takes two people who have chosen to
think rightly about one another.
Thinking rightly requires choices that are driven by truth and not
emotion. Our emotions, especially
in the heat of anger, will tell us lies about our mate; things like, “He
doesn’t really love me” or “He’s intentionally trying to hurt me.” These things can seem very rational
when feelings have been engaged and hurtful words have been exchanged. So, to prepare for the battles that may
be ahead, it’s good to lay down some ground rules for your mind so your emotions
can follow. The first and best
rule for wives is this:
1. He’s A Good Guy... believe the best
in Him.
Most of you reading this are actually married to great guys (some of you aren’t—you know
who you are--and you need more than a blog post to get your marriage on the
right track). You knew they
were great at one time, but stress, and kids, and hurt feelings have gotten in
the way of that memory. Remember when you were dating him and you thought he
was so clever and cute and thoughtful?
He is still all of those things, but you have forgotten, or you have
shown him such disrespect that he has buried himself in his work or his
hobbies. Respect is huge for men,
and if we, as women, decide that our husbands aren’t worthy of our respect, we
will crush them and they will struggle to show us the love that they still feel. Do you know that your husband
desperately loves you? He does,
and he needs you to believe in him.
He isn’t always skilled at showing that love, but it’s there and it can
be coaxed to the surface with honor and respect.
Do you complain or check out when he
discusses his dreams or accomplishments with you? These actions show him that you have lost interest in what
is important to him; and, in essence, you have lost interest in him. God has given men a passion to provide
and a drive to achieve. When we
belittle our husbands for wanting to work hard and run after their goals, we
are setting ourselves up for failure in marriage. We do these things because we are selfish and we want our
husbands to be devoted only to our needs.
When we make unreasonable demands of our mate because of our own
selfishness, we begin to create a caricature of them that is inaccurate. This inaccurate view feeds our
sense of superiority against them.
Because they have now become the “bad guy” in our minds, nothing they do
will seem good enough.
You know
those times when everything your husband does irritates you? You feel that way because, instead of
focusing on yourself and the things you need to change, you are focusing on
your husband and the skewed image you have of him in your head. It doesn’t have to be this way, ladies.
If you decide today that your husband is a good guy, and if you choose to have
confidence in his love and care for you, and if you understand that he is human
and can never be your savior, and if, in turn, you show honor for him instead
of bestowing humiliation upon him, you will see him as he really is—a good guy—someone
who is for you, a life-long friend and ally. He is not out to hurt you. He just wants to love you.
Remember?
Challenge
for the day: Find a
notebook or journal and write down all the things you love about your
husband. Then, think back to times
when he was on your “A” list and recall all the things that drew you to
him. Share some of these things
with him. Ask God to endear your
husband to you daily and continue to add things to your list.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
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