Hey girlfriends! Want to improve your marriage and like your husband again?
This week, I will be posting a series of blog posts on re-directing your heart towards your mate. Read them with an open mind, asking God to show you where you fall short, and complete the challenge at the end of each day. Hopefully, with a lot of prayer and a little right thinking, you will be able to discover the joy of your marriage all over again.
Let’s start with the basics.
Having a good marriage takes two people who have chosen to think rightly about one another. Thinking rightly requires choices that are driven by truth and not emotion. Our emotions, especially in the heat of anger, will tell us lies about our mate; things like, “He doesn’t really love me” or “He’s intentionally trying to hurt me.” These things can seem very rational when feelings have been engaged and hurtful words have been exchanged. So, to prepare for the battles that may be ahead, it’s good to lay down some ground rules for your mind so your emotions can follow. The first and best rule for wives is this:
1. He’s A Good Guy... believe the best in Him.
Most of you reading this are actually married to great guys (some of you aren’t—you know who you are--and you need more than a blog post to get your marriage on the right track). You knew they were great at one time, but stress, and kids, and hurt feelings have gotten in the way of that memory. Remember when you were dating him and you thought he was so clever and cute and thoughtful? He is still all of those things, but you have forgotten, or you have shown him such disrespect that he has buried himself in his work or his hobbies. Respect is huge for men, and if we, as women, decide that our husbands aren’t worthy of our respect, we will crush them and they will struggle to show us the love that they still feel. Do you know that your husband desperately loves you? He does, and he needs you to believe in him. He isn’t always skilled at showing that love, but it’s there and it can be coaxed to the surface with honor and respect.
Do you complain or check out when he discusses his dreams or accomplishments with you? These actions show him that you have lost interest in what is important to him; and, in essence, you have lost interest in him. God has given men a passion to provide and a drive to achieve. When we belittle our husbands for wanting to work hard and run after their goals, we are setting ourselves up for failure in marriage. We do these things because we are selfish and we want our husbands to be devoted only to our needs. When we make unreasonable demands of our mate because of our own selfishness, we begin to create a caricature of them that is inaccurate. This inaccurate view feeds our sense of superiority against them. Because they have now become the “bad guy” in our minds, nothing they do will seem good enough.
You know those times when everything your husband does irritates you? You feel that way because, instead of focusing on yourself and the things you need to change, you are focusing on your husband and the skewed image you have of him in your head. It doesn’t have to be this way, ladies. If you decide today that your husband is a good guy, and if you choose to have confidence in his love and care for you, and if you understand that he is human and can never be your savior, and if, in turn, you show honor for him instead of bestowing humiliation upon him, you will see him as he really is—a good guy—someone who is for you, a life-long friend and ally. He is not out to hurt you. He just wants to love you.
Challenge for the day: Find a notebook or journal and write down all the things you love about your husband. Then, think back to times when he was on your “A” list and recall all the things that drew you to him. Share some of these things with him. Ask God to endear your husband to you daily and continue to add things to your list.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.