My new cat eats the butter.
He’s really not supposed to be in the house but we all bring him in occasionally because he is so dang cute. Cute—and bratty—all at the same time; cute because he looks like a miniature Lynx and he is super playful, and bratty because, even though he is the smallest of the three cats (and the youngest), he uses Alpha cat intimidation to get his own way—like taking over Molly’s house atop a loft that she has inhabited for about 10 years now. She used to spend about 23 1/2 hours there each day, and now she lays under the car—scared and bitter. Anyway, back to the butter; if I happen to leave the top off the tray, Pitot (it’s pronounced Pito—like pita except with an o) licks the top of the butter until I catch him. If the butter is covered, he just licks around the sides where the butter has been.
Needless to say, I think this is gross. And Pito receives a scolding every time I see him doing it. And I either cut off the licked section of the butter or wash the outside of the butter tray to remove his kitty germs. But even though it’s disgusting (not to him, obviously) and even though I continue to swat him for his actions, he keeps right on jumping on the counter to taste this elicit snack. He loves it that much. He loves it so much that he is willing to suffer discipline to have it.
Sometimes, when I am angry…or tired…or sick, I just let my words fly out of my mouth because it feels good to say them. I don’t capture my thoughts first and make them obedient. I just do what I want because my will is stronger than my devotion to God. When I do this, I am showing God who I love the most…and it’s me.
Sometimes, when I see another mom raising her kids in a way that is different in the way that I raise mine, I rush to judge her because I think the way I do things is the best way. I forget to stop and see her with the eyes of Christ. I forget to put my pride below my ego. When I do this, I am showing God who I love the most…and it’s me.
When I do these things, I know that they are wrong, but doing the right thing, thinking the right way, is so much work and I am so tired. In renting terms, I would just rather lose my deposit, than to spend time cleaning up my apartment myself—it’s too hard and it takes too much time—and look at the mess I’ve made. I know that I will have to pay for it later (or forfeit my deposit—my blessing—my ability to create holy holes—to see God’s face more clearly), but right now, I think, God isn’t important enough to me to honor.
How do I get beyond this—this drive to satisfy my will--this lazy approach to my “real” life? How do I set God’s ways as my default?
I’m not sure what the answer is. But I am encouraged that God isn’t finished with me yet. Until I figure it out, I will try to train myself to love the Word instead of the world. And I will continue to seek Him first thing every day. Looking to Him is the way that I change into the new creation that He promises I will be.
Maybe next year, for the state fair, I will make a butter cat with all the contaminated stuff I cut off of the sticks Pitot licks. Or maybe I will just put the butter in the fridge and save myself some work.
…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.